My name is Shay, and I'm a millennial. I've hand-picked 19 Christmas gifts that are sure to please the gals of my generation.
Bring Your A-Game to This Year's White Elephant Party
I handpicked a ton of wholly original white elephant gifts that will delight with their ridiculousness and hilarity. Bring one of these gifts to a boring gift exchange or lame office party, and watch as everyone transforms into a rambunctious group of rowdy young people.
Women will swoon, men will ask you to marry their wives, and your boss will give you all the raises. You will be named popular person of the year. It will change your life.
How to Pick the Best White Elephant Gift
In my opinion, and it's all my opinion since I wrote this article, the best white elephant gifts are the ones that are truly ridiculous. The key is to find something that will shock, disgust, or make people laugh, but is still intriguing in some weird way. The key is to find something that people will connect with and will claw each other's eyes out to get.
Can you imagine your co-workers fighting over a fake plastic turd? Probably not. Can you imagine them fighting over a painting of a turd? You're getting warmer. Think outside of the standard gag gift box and you'll be a few steps closer to glory.
My Top Choice
Rollie Egg Cooker
If you want to win* your white elephant party, bring this ridiculous appliance. The Rollie EggMaster Vertical Grill fills a void in the food-on-a-stick market by gently stuffing it with warm egg logs.
Steven Colbert did a hilarious bit on the Rollie Eggmaster. Watch it here or check out the infomercial below. Ridiculousness all around.
*Are there winners at these parties? YES. Anyone that says otherwise is a LOSER.
In case you hadn't noticed, Horse Head Masks are very popular these days. One lucky party attendee will win this gem and get to relive that one scene from the Godfather over and over.
Horse Head Mask
If horses aren't your bag (or if horse heads are SO basic), take heart. They also make horse hooves (yup just the hooves) plus unicorn, squirrel, giraffe, zebra, chimp, pug, camel, and (my personal favorite) pigeon head masks.
If animal couture is not your thing...
Horsing Hopping Ball
I can all but guarantee multiple people at the party will want to plant their butt on this plush, rotund horse. For your sake, I hope it causes people to get into a Black Friday style fight. Just imagine its sausage legs flopping around. Pure gold. (My work is done here.)
Foods They Will Love
When in doubt, wrap up and give away several pounds of gross food. It's a white elephant party tradition.
Special Note: Disguise the amorphous form that food bags tend to come in by wrapping it in a nice, big box. People can't resist big boxes, and they'll be so angry when they open it and see the horrors that lie within.
Jelly Bean Buttered Popcorn
Buttered Popcorn has to be the number one most hated Jelly Belly flavor. Impress your friends and make a few new ones by gifting two freaking pounds of the stuff.
Does the idea of gifting two pounds of a universally reviled candy strike you as wasteful? Why not gift eight pounds of raisins, the nerdiest snack on the planet? At least they'd be able to give the bags away, stockpile it for the pending apocalypse, or donate it to ravenous raisin-eating fiends.
One of the easiest paths to gag gift glory is to give something that has a face of someone people recognize and also love/hate. Play with your loved ones' emotions relentlessly. That's my motto.
- Michael Jackson
- Celine Dion
- Gary Busey
- Jennifer Lopez
- Justin Bieber
- Shia LaBeouf
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Nicolas Cage (Actually, I refuse to believe anyone hates Nic. The man is a gift to humanity.)
Wait. That Guy Makes Music Now?
B-level celebrities make some of the best CDs for gag gift purposes. Some of my favorites include:
- Crispin Glover's "The Big Problem? The Solution. The Solution = Let It Be" includes such hits as "These Boots are Made for Walking" and "Clowny Clown Clown" (see the video below). Crispin Glover is best known as the dad from Back to the Future, but this CD will likely change your impression of him forever.
- David Hasselhoff's "Very Best Of" is a classic and huge in Germany, right?
- William Shatner's "Seeking Major Tom" (see below)
Obligatory Fart Joke White Elephant Gift Ideas
Yeah. You can't have a gag gift guide without some fart jokes. Farts and poop will always be funny, unless you are one of those people that don't like crude humor. (These people exist apparently?)
Subtle Butt Odor Neutralizer
Have you ever farted, then immediately hoped that you could somehow neutralize the odor before anyone else smells it? The inventors of "Subtle Butt" have. This product is sure to delight just based on the ridiculous name, and that's before they realize it's something that is to be worn in your underwear.
You can fart with class though...
Do your friends, family or co-workers have a discerning palate? If so, then I've found the perfect gift for you. This book contains Benjamin Franklin's lesser-known satirical writings. It's the Ben you never knew.
Personally? I'm shocked and disturbed. I had no idea people even farted back then.
In the Holiday Spirit
White elephant parties are traditionally held around the holidays, so it would make sense if your gift has a wintery-holidayish twinge to it. To keep it light and airy, I'd stick to generic Santa (rather than possibly offensive religious) iconography.
A Christmas-Themed Flamingo
A pink flamingo is a classic white elephant gift on its own. A Pink SantaMingo kicks it up to a new level. Just look at his dangle legs. I'm convinced this flamingo hates his life right now.
Oh, and double fun on this one in particular—this version comes with a ReinMingo buddy, because why not?
Step Up Your Game
The strange and unusual tends to go over well at white elephant parties. This next idea is reserved for those with a truly ridiculous sense of humor. Amateurs need not apply.
Grandma Vacuum Cover
I've never heard of a vacuum cover and chances are, the people you know haven't either. That's what makes this thing doubly ridiculous: it's a vacuum cleaner cover (what?) and it looks like a grandma (huh?).
Infomercials are an abundant resource for gag gift shopping because they're: a) recognizable to a range of people, b) ridiculous, and c) usually super cheap. The products are also really easy to find as many stores have an "As Seen on TV" section (I found one at my local grocery store—go figure).
Here are some super fun options:
- The BACON BOWL
- Perfect Smile (these are $15 tooth "veneers" that look about as good as you'd expect $15 tooth veneers would)
I wrote a different article with 20 more gag gift ideas, just for you. And because I love you so much, each of the gifts are dirt cheap: Funny White Elephant Gifts Under $10.
Did you find all the horse gifts?
© 2013 Shay Marie
Shay Marie (author) from Southern California on March 31, 2014:
@TerriCarr: Consarn it! I'll have to get that fixed up.
TerriCarr on March 31, 2014:
Cute lens. Prancercise video is no longer avail. Sigh. I thought that could be the fitness routine for me. :-)
Shay Marie (author) from Southern California on January 24, 2014:
@sousababy: That's a bummer that the link won't work for you. It's so good! I wish I could find it on youtube, but it looks like they only have a 10 second clip. Also, thank you for the "nomination!" I'm flattered!
sousababy on January 24, 2014:
Ha, ha, very clever - that Rollie EggMaster piece is brilliant. Notice how eggs are cooked with a "revolutionary method" (no way to know what that is or if they are cooked enough). And it's always a man that needs to "eat on the go" (like women have all the time in the world to enjoy their breakfasts).
But get this - when I clicked to watch Colbert's piece, it stated: "Sorry, but this video is unavailable from your location, probably due to your overly polite attitudes." (Gave me an unexpected laugh too).
Great quips on the other products - yeah, there's something creepy about having your vacuum covered with what looks like grandma.
Pinned to Female Comedians board (that's you) and considered for the "Rubber Chicken awards" (something new I just came up with).
tonyleather on October 25, 2013:
Shay Marie (author) from Southern California on October 17, 2013:
grrbtn on October 13, 2013:
I remember years ago we gave my dad some stop farting powder for his birthday. Does that count as a white elephant gift? Great lens with plenty to chuckle about on here, well done
DebMartin on October 09, 2013:
June Campbell from North Vancouver, BC, Canada on October 07, 2013:
Very fun lens. I love the grandma vacuum cleaner.
Jogalog on October 07, 2013:
I love the vacuum cleaner cover!
TheCozyDinosaur on October 06, 2013:
White Elephant gifts truly are an art... Unique idea, nice post.
LoriBeninger on October 05, 2013:
Very clever! I've managed to avoid White Elephant gifting all but once in my lifetime...but if I ever need some inspiration, I know where I'll come!
Renaissance Woman from Colorado on October 05, 2013:
Is that Prancercise for real??? If so, I am major bummed that I didn't come up with it. And that egg t_ _ d, well, I may never be able to eat another egg again! You obviously get the whole White Elephant gift thing. Maybe I'll send you a Rollie this holiday season. Just because. Does there need to a special occasion to give the gift of an egg log? I think not.
writerkath on October 05, 2013:
Hilarious! I have seen the Prancersize video, and have only one thing to say to that gal: "You go girl! Follow that dream!" I give her credit, and hope she's made some money on that...
Shay Marie (author) from Southern California on October 04, 2013:
@RHKnight: ACK! I love it!
RHKnight on October 02, 2013:
Very entertaining. I had a clay facial on and it cracked I was laughing so much.