48 Funny Birthday Quotes, Sayings, and Greetings

Updated on July 28, 2017

Happy birthday to you if yours is today. I know you're old . . . but try to smile. Enjoy!

  1. You would have loved the gift I didn’t bother getting you.
  2. When I have a birthday, I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
  3. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
  4. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
  5. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
  6. When I was born, I was so surprised that I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
  7. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
  8. With age comes wisdom. You’re one of the wisest people I know.
  9. The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
  10. I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
  11. You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
  12. You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar . . . Yung No Mo
  13. I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date!
  14. You’re not 40, you’re 18 . . . with 22 years of experience!
  15. Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!
  16. You may not be over the hill yet, but you have a great view!
  17. Old enough to know better, young enough to still do it.
  18. Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what you feel today. Happy Birthday.
  19. I’m just here for the cake.
  20. If you want to look young and thin on your birthday . . . then hang around a bunch of old, fat people.
  21. Just imagine the things you’d want to hear on your birthday . . . and assume I said them. Happy birthday!
  22. There are lots of good people in the world. One of them would like to wish you a happy birthday.
  23. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never remembers her age.
  24. Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
  25. Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, "Happy Birthday."
  26. Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
  27. Looking 50 is great . . . if you’re 60.
  28. Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
  29. So far, this is the oldest I have ever been.
  30. It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.
  31. Don’t forget to wear your birthday suit . . . but check it for wrinkles first!
  32. You’re so old that when you looked at your birth certificate, it said expired.
  33. People say that the good die young, so I guess that make you an old badass!
  34. It’s proven that at the age of 41, you start to lose your memory. We can only hope!
  35. Another year, another new place that aches.
  36. It's okay to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.
  37. An old fart is as good as a new one.
  38. Don't think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.
  39. The younger you try to look, the older you actually are.
  40. Count your blessings, not your wrinkles.
  41. May you live as long as you want to, and want to as long as you live.
  42. Wishing you many more candles and a cake big enough to fit them all on.
  43. You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by "for your age."
  44. Don't forget to wear your sunglasses when the cake is served. Happy birthday.
  45. The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.
  46. No wise man ever wished to be younger.
  47. Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
  48. When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui, and I want my husband to be so upset that he has to drop out of college.

Happy birthday to you and yours!


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    • JeanReinhart profile image

      JeanReinhart 4 months ago

      Required gift ideas for my daughter already ordered a big cake and venue for celebration. but the gift is pending also if you have any best birthday wishes for daughter also send me it will be very greatfull.


    • profile image

      toni 2 years ago

      I have found very funny collection of birthday wishes. i love it and I laughed a lot.

      its really Great collection of funny birthday wishes.


    • profile image

      tech3331 2 years ago

      Wonderful article to read. Thanks for sharing this.


    • profile image

      jessi 2 years ago

      Here is the most beautiful


      heart touching birthday wishes for your loved once. these are the most amazing collection of hearty warm birthday wishes for you

    • profile image

      Julia Josh 2 years ago

      I have found another collection of funny birthday wishes - Many of them made me laugh like mad. They are awesome, just check here: http://www.cardswishes.com/birthday/100-funny-birt...

    • profile image

      Aadu Thoma 2 years ago

    • profile image

      Marie Johnson12 3 years ago

      Great collection of birthday quotes. You should also check out this nice collection : http://www.wishesgreeting.com/bday-wishes/

    • profile image

      ravi 3 years ago

    • profile image

      Jeremy Rawlings 5 years ago

      Plenty of ideas all on the one hub!

    • profile image

      lucas 5 years ago

      dd d d d d d

    • fresh2def05 profile image

      fresh2def05 5 years ago from Louisville, Ky

      Hi bac2basics,

      First I would like to wish you a happy belated birthday. Im sorry to hear it wasn't great as all birthdays should be. Think about it this way; at least you have plenty more to come.. Im glad you enjoyed this hub and I wish you a great birthday next year.

    • fresh2def05 profile image

      fresh2def05 5 years ago from Louisville, Ky


      Thanks for reading and happy early birthday...

    • bac2basics profile image

      Anne 5 years ago from Spain

      Hi Fresh. I couldn´t help but read this hub after seeing the photo..Hilarious. I love numbers 28 and 30. It actually was my birthday a week ago today, and I was having a really bad one..shame I hadn´t picked this great hub up then. Oh well never mind...maybe next year will be a great shin-dig. Thanks for the laugh.

    • jennzie profile image

      Jenn 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      My birthday's not for another 2 months but I still really enjoyed these quotes. :-) Voted up, funny and shared!

    • fresh2def05 profile image

      fresh2def05 5 years ago from Louisville, Ky

      Thanks tillsontitan! Im glad you enjoyed them. And yes, that is one of my favorites also. Thanks again for reading.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      These are a laugh riot! One is better than the other; among others I liked "Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." Loved it!

      Voted up and funny.