48 Funny Birthday Quotes, Sayings, and Greetings

Happy birthday to you if yours is today. I know you're old . . . but try to smile. Enjoy!

1. You would have loved the gift I didn’t bother getting you.
2. When I have a birthday, I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
3. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
4. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
5. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
6. When I was born, I was so surprised that I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
7. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
8. With age comes wisdom. You’re one of the wisest people I know.
9. The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
10. I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
11. You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
12. You’re birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar . . . Yung No Mo.
13. I didn’t forget your birthday, I just forgot today’s date!
14. You’re not 40, you’re 18 . . . with 22 years of experience!
15. Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!
16. You may not be over the hill yet, but you have a great view!
17. Old enough to know better, young enough to still do it.
18. Happiness is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth. And that’s what you feel today. Happy Birthday.
19. I’m just here for the cake.
20. If you want to look young and thin on your birthday . . . then hang around a bunch of old, fat people.
21. Just imagine the things you’d want to hear on your birthday . . . and assume I said them. Happy birthday!
22. There are lots of good people in the world. One of them would like to wish you a happy birthday.
23. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never remembers her age.
24. Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
25. Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, "Happy Birthday."
26. Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
27. Looking 50 is great . . . if you’re 60.
28. Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.
29. So far, this is the oldest I have ever been.
30. It has been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will kill you.
31. Don’t forget to wear your birthday suit . . . but check it for wrinkles first!
32. You’re so old that when you looked at your birth certificate, it said expired.
33. People say that the good die young, so I guess that make you an old badass!
34. It’s proven that at the age of 41, you start to lose your memory. We can only hope!
35. Another year, another new place that aches.
36. It's okay to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.
37. An old fart is as good as a new one.
38. Don't think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.
39. The younger you try to look, the older you actually are.
40. Count your blessings, not your wrinkles.
41. May you live as long as you want to, and want to as long as you live.
42. Wishing you many more candles and a cake big enough to fit them all on.
43. You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by "for your age."
44. Don't forget to wear your sunglasses when the cake is served. Happy birthday.
45. The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.
46. No wise man ever wished to be younger.
47. Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
48. When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui, and I want my husband to be so upset that he has to drop out of college.

Happy birthday to you and yours!