35 Funny and Inspirational Lawyer Quotes

Updated on February 22, 2018

The Best Lawyer Quotes

This article contains the best lawyer quotes; funny, inspirational, and famous quotes about lawyers and their careers. It also includes thank-you quotes for lawyers for those who have benefited from their services and wish to find the right words to show appreciation. Please feel free to comment at the end and share your own favorite quotes as well.

Quotes About Being a Lawyer

  • “A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns.” - Mario Puzo
  • “You win some and you lose some, but you get paid for all of them.” - Anonymous
  • “I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer.” - Will Rogers
  • “The good lawyer is not the man who has an eye to every side and angle of contingency, and qualifies all his qualifications, but who throws himself on your part so heartily, that he can get you out of a scrape.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “You cannot live without the lawyers, and certainly you cannot die without them.” - Joseph H. Choate
  • “A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.” - H. L. Mencken
  • “To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there is a problem the lawyer is the only person who has read the inside of the top of the box.” - Jerry Seinfeld
  • “In America, an acquittal doesn't mean you're innocent, it means you beat the rap. My clients lose even when they win.” - F. Lee Bailey
  • “The Lawyer's Motto:

Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceivable, and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures.

In other words, if it ain't broke, don't fix it." -Anonymous

  • “Law students are trained in the case method, and to the lawyer everything in life looks like a case.” - Edward Packard, Jr.

Funny Lawyer Quotes

  • “I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.” - Stephen Wright
  • “The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.” - William Shakespeare King Henry VI Part 2.
  • “Lawyers are just like physicians: what one says, the other contradicts.” - Sholom Aleichem
  • “A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a "brief." - Franz Kafka
  • “The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer.” - Will Rogers
  • “A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.” -Patrick Murray
  • "I don't like lawyers, nannie." "No one likes lawyers, little boy." - J. P. Donleavy
  • “Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.” - Jeremy Bentham
  • “In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.” - Lenny Bruce
  • “I feel like I wanna cut class today.” “Why, is it Law?” – Fehl Dungo
  • “He who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.” Proverb
  • “Only lawyers and painters can turn white to black.” - Japanese Proverb

Quotes About Lawyers by Famous People

  • "If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers.” -Charles Dickens
  • “When you have no basis for an argument, abuse the plaintiff.” - Cicero
  • “In England, justice is open to all - like the Ritz Hotel.” - Sir James Mathew
  • “You are remembered for the rules you break.”- Douglas MacArthur
  • “Don't misinform your Doctor nor your Lawyer.” Benjamin Franklin
  • “The lawyer's truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency.” - Henry David Thoreau
  • “A lawyer without books would be like a workman without tools.” - Thomas Jefferson
  • “The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law.” - Jeremy Bentham
  • “A lawyer without history or literature is a mechanic, a mere working mason; if he possesses some knowledge of these, he may venture to call himself an architect.” - Sir Walter Scott

Thank-You Quotes for Lawyers

  • "Thank you for representing me. My situation would be much worse without your research, diligence, and hard work."
  • “Thank you, attorney, for being an exceptional lawyer. This issue wouldn’t be fixed without your excellent skills.”
  • “You’re a good friend, and you've been an incredible help with my troubles. Thank you, attorney.”
  • Thank you for the effort you put into my case. You did me a big service. You will always be welcome in my home."

Funny & Entertaining Bonus Video

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    • profile image

      pardes 

      5 years ago

      i can say that the lawyers are just like knife between 2 partner

    • twentyfive profile imageAUTHOR

      twentyfive 

      6 years ago

      I love my lawyers. They're pretty cool. lol

    • profile image

      Mohsin 

      6 years ago

      Lawyers help people to get justice.

    • profile image

      janellelk 

      7 years ago

      LOL, great quotes!

    • twentyfive profile imageAUTHOR

      twentyfive 

      7 years ago

      yea lawyers could be so funny :) Thanks for dropping by!

    • video-marketing profile image

      video-marketing 

      7 years ago from Australia

      This is really funny.

      Great hub there :D

      Gideon Shalwick

    • twentyfive profile imageAUTHOR

      twentyfive 

      7 years ago

      Hi Tattoo Guy! Nice avatar ;) hahah yeah, lawyer fees aren't a joke..Good to see you here.

      Hy Cassy! Yeah, that video is my stress reliever since I found it. LMAO It's monotone, animated and they just talk like Q and A. The girl lawyer-wanna-be talks so fast! She thinks so fast. She's gonna be a great lawyer I bet. LMAO I found it from buzzfeed.. There's another one that crack the hell of me. I'll be posting that up soon. LOL

      "I like your blackberry."

      "I don not like my blackberry."

      hahahaha

      "I want to help people.."

      "You've mentioned that."

      LOL

      Yeah, I took up Business Law, too. It's interesting. It's a serious and a very rewarding profession. Good to see you moi friend :) TC Xo

    • Cheeky Girl profile image

      Cassandra Mantis 

      7 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

      Hy Fehl. This is a cool hub! I laughed at some of the quotes but really laughed my ass off at the video. Who wrote that total CRAP!?? It is so nauseating. I wanted to throw up, it is so flat and monotone and dead boring nothing zero! But it seems designed that way! That's why I laughed at this!! Where'd ya get this? Geez! Not from the Legal Profession! It's embarassing!! Hehehehe!

      The law is a serious career for anyone who wants to consider it. It's required in some business Degrees. I had to study part of Business Law. And it's nowhere like what its portrayed as in the media. You, however, did a GREAT Job! LOL! :D XO

    • profile image

      TattoGuy 

      7 years ago

      Nice one twentyfive, if only lawyers bills were funny lol !

    • twentyfive profile imageAUTHOR

      twentyfive 

      7 years ago

      Hi Carrie! hahah yeah I the video is freaking funny especially the girl LOL She talks so fast and thinks so fast LOL Lawyers are amazing :)

      Hello Sherrylou! I second that ;) Happy to see you here.

      Hi Dahoglund :) haha I loved your lawyer quote. Thanks for sharing ;)

      Hi Katyzzz! I wonder which is safe, telling the truth or not? LOL One can't be a lawyer if he can't lie :)

      Hi Cathy! Oh you always love Fehl's quotes. I'm smiling now here. Thank you :) Have you watched the video? It's so funny! I loved my law subject LOL Cheers! Thanks for loving this lawyer-quotes hub ;) TC Xo

    • Astra Nomik profile image

      Cathy Nerujen 

      7 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

      Hahaha. Loved this, even the Fehl Dungo quote. Some very good ones here, Fehl. Cassy would love these. She studies some of that thing in her course some while back. Like the one about being remembered for the rules you break. Great hub. Law students would bookmark this. Love your hubs as always, Fehl. Take care. :) XO

    • katyzzz profile image

      katyzzz 

      7 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Oh, this says it all, based on my personal experience. I particularly like "sometimes he will even tell the truth.”

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 

      7 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      One I heard years ago: If there is one lawyer in town he will starve. If there are two, they will both get rich.

    • sherrylou57 profile image

      sherrylou57 

      7 years ago from Riverside

      Boy do not take a carpenters tools away, he will not be able to do it from any angle!

    • carrie450 profile image

      carrie450 

      7 years ago from Winnipeg, Canada

      Good lawyer jokes twentyfive. I enjoyed the video also.

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