Barbara has spent over 40 years writing poems, lyrics, and sayings for cards and interpreting the meanings and messages in songs.
A party is a great way to celebrate the big day before you say any vows. Surprise the bride with a homemade card and a clever saying! Here I offer:
- Goofy quips
- Sardonic jokes
- Dirty, quirky witticism
- Sentimental one-liners
There's something for every bride-to-be!
Goofy Quips for a Bridal Shower Card
- Why are you getting married? Ignore us—we're totally jealous of all the gifts you're going to get.
- Is he the apple of your eye or is he the boot up your ass?
- Can you give us some tips on how to get us a guy just like you did? Or you could just raffle yours off to one of us? No? Ok, just spitballing.
- Congratulations on getting tagged, pretty soon you'll be out.
- You've won the best man, just remember on your wedding day to marry the right best man.
- Let's go two out of three to see who gets him.
- I'm so jealous you're marrying him! I'm fuming mad! How come you get everything you want, and I get nothing! Why? Just tell me why? Never mind I know it's because you're hard to resist. I can't even resist you.
- We are gathered here today to unite this Bride with her friends so she can have one last hurrah before she bites the big one.
- You're the kind of woman any man would want, unfortunately, you already picked one!
- Train him from the start! Actually, forget that. You're the one who needs training.
- You're marrying our best friend. There's a movie about how I really feel about that.
- Tweet out your hopes and dreams, 'cause Twitter needs some good news fast.
- Missing your marriage would be like missing the event of the year because no one can believe you finally said yes!
- Sometimes the road takes you home and other times the road takes you to his home. His is nicer, congrats!
- Are you marrying for money or love? We have a bet going and I want to win the pool. Do me a solid, say money.
- Sometimes it's the Groom who garners all the attention, never mind, that cracked me up too.
- Marriage is when comedy and tragedy intersect.
Sardonic Phrases for the Sassy Bride
- Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, marriage, marriage, marriage, marriage, will sometimes make you scream.
- Don't worry, when you're married, not every day will be good, but forget about all that, cause your wedding memories will last you a lifetime!
- We're celebrating your soon-to-be new title of 'Mrs.' And, actually, we're calling this a going away party.
- You are creating another line to your family's ancestry, is that wise?
- The gifts you get today are meant to make up for those nightmare days of marriage! Just kidding, we know you're the boss and the nightmares will only be his.
- Time heals all wounds, but once you get married, all bets are off!
- This is the most important tip I can ever give you in regards to marriage; when it gets rough, go physical with long walks, swimming, biking, running, jumping jacks, tennis, and sit-ups. Just keep moving . . . away from the bedroom.
- He loves you with all his heart, and we're still trying to figure out why.
- Your wedding night is supposed to be a tender magical time. Forget that. You're going to be so exhausted after the wedding that you'll be lucky to stay awake long enough to remember you're now a wife. Plus if you don't consummate the marriage it gives you one more night to annul it if you want!
- Give it time, you'll want out.
- Crying about your problems won't fix them, marrying your problems is akin to setting your hair on fire! Are you sure about this?
- Brides are bright, cheerful, spectacular, envied, and incredible hosts. Then there's you.
- We love you tons. You are our best friend and we're behind you all the way through this wedding. We'll be there for you even if you back out.
- Your bridal shower is going to be the time of my life, mainly because that's the closest I'll get to marriage and the best part, gifts!
- You two look so happy together! It has me worried. That's not natural.
- We hope you make each other laugh because you're both gonna need those skills to keep the fire going.
- Stay in shape in case this one doesn't work out.
- Stay strong, it's downhill from here on in.
- You're young, hot, and smart. After you're married the clock starts ticking on everything.
- Take it from someone who's been married for decades; you're going to have to eat a lot of garbage to get through this.
Dirty Jokes for a Bride-to-Be
- When you get married you give up your purity. We couldn't stop laughing either! Congrats.
- They call it a "Bridal Shower" 'cause it's supposed to be clean. We've decided a little filth is necessary for this one.
- If you think marriage is the right move, then we're here to cheer you on into battle!
- You are being showered before you become a bride, that's cause most brides-to-be need cleaning.
- The reason you're getting married has been spreading like wildfire, that's 'cause we're making it up behind your back! We're helping you here, we're trying to put a scar on your perfect, angelic reputation. Nobody is that clean. You don't need a bridal shower, you need bridal mud wrestling.
- When we know better we do better. It looks like you finally figured that little quote out.
- Congrats, you nabbed yourself the hottest dude in town. You obviously have skills none of us were aware of.
Sentimental Advice for a Not-Yet-Newlywed
- You've gone the distance, you're almost at the finish line. Actually it's the new start line. Your beginning is the end of our childhood. Give that some thought!
- You must be a unicorn because your man is magical. That's the only way to nab a unicorn.
- Pretty soon you're getting another ring, yippee!
- Get ready for the ride of your life, marriage is like a roller coaster, it's filled with ups, downs, dips, valleys, and sometimes you get a break and it's calm for a second.
- If you want everything to work between you and hubby and you want it bad enough, you still won't get it! Crap is gonna happen.
- Marriage is spring, the honeymoon is summer, staying together through trouble is fall, winter is the final test. If you mess up, rinse and repeat.
- As a gift, I want to give you my love, best wishes, hope-filled prayers, and good thoughts. I'm tapped out so I'm going sentimental.
- Getting married is like baking a cake. Right now you're at the stage where you reach in the cupboard and get the bowl. It's gonna take a lifetime for that sucker to cook.
- Family is everything, so don't forget us!
- Take a honeymoon because life is gonna get so busy you'll be lucky if you have time to breathe.
- Getting married was an excellent idea. I hope you get a big haul.
- Brides without the 'zilla are much nicer to be around.
© 2018 Barbara Tremblay Cipak
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Add your own lines to write in a card
Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on July 22, 2019:
O my I needed some humor just now Thank you for sharing this. Angels are on the way to you this evening. ps
Barbara Tremblay Cipak (author) from Toronto, Canada on November 09, 2018:
lol, fun conversations
Sp Greaney from Ireland on November 09, 2018:
Definitely going to have some chatter after writing these on your card. ☺
Barbara Tremblay Cipak (author) from Toronto, Canada on June 29, 2018:
lol, thank you :)
Neeetisha Dey from mumbai on June 29, 2018:
those are really funny and interesting ideas you got there.
Mary Norton from Ontario, Canada on June 20, 2018:
Some of these are really funny. I don't know how you think up of these ideas but they are really great.
Louise Powles from Norfolk, England on June 20, 2018:
Lol there's some good ideas there!