Sarcastic, Witty, and Borderline Insulting Birthday Wishes

Updated on June 22, 2015

Sarcastic Happy Birthday!

Do you feel like writing a birthday wish that is funny, sarcastic, and borderline rude? There are many ways to wish someone happy birthday and give them a subtle reminder of their age. Here are some great ideas that you can use and come up with your own annoying birthday wish.

Be careful though, some of these push the boundaries and could make someone feel bad.

Funny, Rude Ways to Say Happy Birthday

  • Since I don't believe much in birthday surprises, let me tell you beforehand that I'm going to come to your place and expect to be treated with the best of drinks and a great party. Happy birthday and thanks in advance!
  • We know it's your birthday today, and you're dying to throw us a splendid party. So here we are. Happy birthday.
  • I wonder why you are celebrating the fact that you're turning older. Nevertheless, I will attend your birthday party. Happy birthday!
  • I don't feel like wishing you a happy birthday. Because like everyone else, I don't like reminding you that you are growing old. Happy birthday and stay young!
  • Don’t you think you should make your birthday celebration more mature this year? I agree. Instead of offering orange juice and cake, I think you should graduate to champagne, exotic wine, and caviar. Have a great birthday!

Oh dear,

Why did you have to live one more year?

Only to get a gift from me?

I've already given enough, can't you see?

Oh dear,

I'll give you whatever you want, what else can I say

After all, it is your birthday today

Happy birthday, old friend


  • I look forward to your birthday every year because I can party in the best places in town. Hey, at least I'm honest. Happy birthday.
  • Be a cool cat and tell us where you're going to throw us a party on your birthday. You know you can't hide from us. Happy birthday.
  • Do you know how you can set yourself apart from the millions of others in this world who share your birthday today? Just throw us a great party! Wishing you a very happy birthday.
  • If you want that we don't ask you your real age today, just keep the chocolate and champagne coming for the rest of the week, and we'll keep mum. Happy birthday.

  • Do you really expect us to bring you candles and birthday cake? We're going to be exhausted because there are going to be so many candles to light. Happy birthday, old buddy.
  • What are you so happy about? It's your birthday, and you are going to have to spend a lot of money to keep us happy. Have fun doing it! Happy birthday.
  • Keep some hangover pills ready. We're going to make sure that you need them tomorrow morning. Happy birthday.
  • Keep celebrating and smiling as long as your body allows you to do it. After a few years, we'll probably be saying happy birthday to each other from our rocking chairs. Happy birthday, buddy. Have a great one.
  • Thank God birthdays come only once a year. Otherwise, I'd be broke just giving you one gift after the other. Happy birthday.

  • It's not your fault, buddy. No one can help that fact that you're growing old. Haha! So you might as well enjoy it while getting there.
  • Have you really grown wiser this year or are you acting up because it's your birthday today? Happy birthday!
  • You are amazing, wise, super cool, fantastic, brilliant, intelligent – don't get too excited. I'm only saying all these things because it's your birthday today.
  • I wish I could give you birthday bumps but you're growing too heavy with every passing year. So maybe not. But on that note – Happy birthday!
  • Do you remember the last time I told you that you were an amazing person? Of course you don't, because you're growing old, and your memory is failing you. On that note, have a great birthday today.

  • We know you're growing old, but you can always be young on the inside. Happy birthday, champ.
  • We know that you're becoming dull and forgetful with age but don't you forget to give us some birthday cake. Happy birthday.
  • An amazing watch, a sexy outfit, a souvenir cap, or the latest PS2 game – I was wondering what I could buy you for your birthday. Don't get too excited, though. None of that was in my budget. Here is a card instead. Happy birthday!
  • While you have teeth, I hope you keep smiling. Happy birthday!

Note: Use ideas from these funny happy birthday wishes and tailor them to specifically address someone's weak spot. Write a witty yet sarcastic birthday message and make sure you have fun watching someone being embarrassed because, rest assured, they are going to give it back to you on your birthday.

Questions & Answers

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      • profile image

        SarcasmGirlWhoLovesTo Insult 

        8 weeks ago

        Woah! Some of them ARE pretty sweet! Some I didn't even think of! Sarcasm is my hobby lol! I once said ur wishes out loud at one of my friend's birthday n she really took it seriously! TALK ABOUT MOOD KILLERS-_-......Soooooo I LOOOVE ur wishes n hope u make more=^=

      • profile image

        Agentvenom 

        24 months ago

        Some of them are pretty awesome

      • angied83 profile image

        Angie D 

        6 years ago from Cebu, PH

        LOL! I like your sense of humour, princesswithapen! I may borrow a few of your ideas.hahaha

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