Sarcastic, Witty, and Borderline Insulting Birthday Wishes

Updated on September 18, 2018
princesswithapen profile image

I love helping people find the perfect words for any occasion—from relationship advice to inspirational messages.

Sarcastic Happy Birthday!

Do you feel like writing a birthday wish that is funny, sarcastic, or borderline rude? There are many ways to wish someone a happy birthday in a humorous manner or to give them a subtle reminder of their age. Here are some great ideas to inspire your own annoying birthday wish.

Use these examples as inspiration for writing your own sarcastic, witty, or borderline rude birthday message.
Use these examples as inspiration for writing your own sarcastic, witty, or borderline rude birthday message. | Source

Funny, Rude Ways to Say Happy Birthday

  • Since I don't believe much in birthday surprises, let me tell you beforehand that I'm going to come to your place and expect to be treated with the best of drinks and a great party. Happy birthday and thanks in advance!
  • We make such a great team—me with my good looks, charm, and intelligence, and you with your ability to be such a great friend to me. Happy birthday!
  • Are you going to use your birthday as an excuse to get totally wasted? Because I'm in. Happy birthday!
  • We know it's your birthday today and you're dying to throw us a splendid party. So, here we are. Happy birthday!
  • It is better to be one year older than one month late. Happy birthday!
  • I wonder why you are celebrating the fact that you're turning older. Nevertheless, I will attend your birthday party. Happy birthday!
  • Happy birthday to you and your newest chin.
  • I hate surprises, so I really hope you have good food at your party. Happy birthday!
  • You are a kind, beautiful, and amazing person. I hope you accept my birthday wishes and these lies on your birthday today!
  • I won't lie—I'm only here for the cake. Happy birthday!
  • Another year has gone by but you haven't gotten any wiser. Oh, well. Happy birthday!
  • I don't feel like wishing you a happy birthday. Because, like everyone else, I don't like reminding you that you are growing old. Happy birthday and stay young!
  • Don’t you think you should make your birthday celebration more mature this year? I agree. Instead of offering orange juice and cake, I think you should graduate to champagne, exotic wine, and caviar. Have a great birthday!
  • What are you so happy about? It's your birthday and you are going to have to spend a lot of money to keep us happy. Have fun doing it! Happy birthday!
  • Keep some hangover pills ready—we're going to make sure that you need them tomorrow morning. Happy birthday!

  • I look forward to your birthday every year because I can party in the best places in town. Hey, at least I'm honest. Happy birthday!
  • Facebook told me it was your birthday, so I'm writing on your wall. Happy birthday!
  • Be a cool cat and tell us where you're going to throw us a party on your birthday. You know you can't hide from us. Happy birthday!
  • It doesn't matter to me that you're ugly and stupid. You'll always be my friend. Happy birthday!
  • Do you know how you can set yourself apart from the millions of others in this world who share your birthday today? Just throw us a great party! Wishing you a very happy birthday.
  • I wanted to bake you a birthday cake, but I was honestly worried I'd get frosting in my hair. So, I didn't. Happy birthday anyway!
  • I'm stoked you have a karaoke machine for your birthday! As long as you promise not to use it, you can count on me to show up at your party. Happy birthday!
  • If you don't want us to ask you what your real age is today, just keep the chocolate and champagne coming for the rest of the week and we'll keep mum. Happy birthday!
  • It would be so much easier to get you the perfect birthday gift if you'd just buy one yourself. Happy birthday!
  • Smart, good looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!
  • An amazing watch, a sexy outfit, a souvenir cap, or the latest PS2 game—I was wondering what I could buy you for your birthday. Don't get too excited, though. None of that was in my budget. Here's a card instead. Happy birthday!

Be careful—some of these birthday messages push the boundaries and could make someone feel bad. Make sure you send a message that your friend will find humorous, and be careful to not tread on any toes.

Make your friends laugh with a hilarious, insulting, and slightly rude birthday message.
Make your friends laugh with a hilarious, insulting, and slightly rude birthday message. | Source

Rude Adjectives to Describe Your Friend

bitchy
fussy
stubborn
grumpy
sarcastic
big-headed
lazy
cunning
nasty
silly
bossy
stupid
pompous
arrogant
belligerent

Ways to Insult Your Friend for Being Old

  • It's not your fault, buddy. No one can help that fact that you're growing old. Haha! So you might as well enjoy it while you can.
  • I am here with you to mourn the loss of your youth. Happy birthday!
  • Have you really grown wiser this year or are you acting up because it's your birthday today? Happy birthday!
  • Have you started getting calls from the AARP yet? Or maybe the local funeral home? Well, better get started. Happy birthday!
  • Age may seem like just a number, but look in the mirror and you'll change your mind. Happy birthday!
  • Tell me, what was it like when dinosaurs were still around? Haha, just kidding. Happy birthday!
  • You're one year closer to a senior discount. Congratulations!
  • You are amazing, wise, super cool, fantastic, brilliant, intelligent—but don't get too excited. I'm only saying all these things because it's your birthday today.
  • Happy birthday! Just as a reminder, I think it's time for you to get Life Alert.
  • Do you remember the last time I told you that you were an amazing person? Of course you don't, because you're growing old and your memory is failing you. On that note, have a great birthday today.
  • I feel bad making age-related jokes because you're actually pretty old. Happy birthday!

  • We know you're growing old, but you'll always be young on the inside. Happy birthday, champ.
  • We know that you're becoming dull and forgetful with age but don't you forget to give us some birthday cake. Happy birthday!
  • So many candles, so little cake. Happy birthday!
  • May the candles on your cake outnumber the hairs on your head. Happy birthday!
  • While you have teeth, I hope you keep smiling. Happy birthday!
  • Congratulations—we'll never have to say you died too young. Happy birthday!
  • Old age isn't so bad. After all, you could be dead. Happy birthday!
  • Do you really expect us to bring you candles and a birthday cake? We're going to be exhausted due to the number of candles we'll have to light. Happy birthday, old buddy.
  • Keep celebrating and smiling as long as your body allows you to. After a few years, we'll probably be saying happy birthday to each other from our rocking chairs. Happy birthday, buddy. Have a great one.
  • May you live to be old and toothless. Oh wait, you already did. Happy birthday!
  • I'm sorry my birthday wishes are belated—I honestly didn't think you'd live this long. Happy birthday!

Mean Names to Call Your Friend

loser
mouth-breather
tool
douchebag
cow
geezer
blowhard
moron
oddball
animal
clown
dork

Use these examples of funny happy birthday wishes as inspiration, and tailor them to specifically address your friend's weak spot. Write a witty yet sarcastic birthday message and make sure you have fun watching someone being embarrassed because, rest assured, they are going to give it back to you on your birthday.

Questions & Answers

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      • profile image

        SarcasmGirlWhoLovesTo Insult 

        5 months ago

        Woah! Some of them ARE pretty sweet! Some I didn't even think of! Sarcasm is my hobby lol! I once said ur wishes out loud at one of my friend's birthday n she really took it seriously! TALK ABOUT MOOD KILLERS-_-......Soooooo I LOOOVE ur wishes n hope u make more=^=

      • profile image

        Agentvenom 

        2 years ago

        Some of them are pretty awesome

      • angied83 profile image

        Angie D 

        6 years ago from Cebu, PH

        LOL! I like your sense of humour, princesswithapen! I may borrow a few of your ideas.hahaha

      working

      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, holidappy.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://holidappy.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      Necessary
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Features
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Marketing
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Statistics
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)