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Sarcastic, Witty, and Borderline Insulting Birthday Wishes

I love helping people find the perfect words for any occasion—from relationship advice to inspirational messages.

Sarcastic Happy Birthday!

Do you feel like writing a birthday wish that is funny, sarcastic, or borderline rude? There are many ways to wish someone a happy birthday in a humorous manner or to give them a subtle reminder of their age. Here are some great ideas to inspire your own annoying birthday wish.

Use these examples as inspiration for writing your own sarcastic, witty, or borderline rude birthday message.

Use these examples as inspiration for writing your own sarcastic, witty, or borderline rude birthday message.

Funny, Rude Ways to Say Happy Birthday

  • Since I don't believe much in birthday surprises, let me tell you beforehand that I'm going to come to your place and expect to be treated with the best of drinks and a great party. Happy birthday and thanks in advance!
  • We make such a great team—me with my good looks, charm, and intelligence, and you with your ability to be such a great friend to me. Happy birthday!
  • Are you going to use your birthday as an excuse to get totally wasted? Because I'm in. Happy birthday!
  • We know it's your birthday today and you're dying to throw us a splendid party. So, here we are. Happy birthday!
  • It is better to be one year older than one month late. Happy birthday!
  • I wonder why you are celebrating the fact that you're turning older. Nevertheless, I will attend your birthday party. Happy birthday!
  • Happy birthday to you and your newest chin.
  • I hate surprises, so I really hope you have good food at your party. Happy birthday!
  • You are a kind, beautiful, and amazing person. I hope you accept my birthday wishes and these lies on your birthday today!
  • I won't lie—I'm only here for the cake. Happy birthday!
  • Another year has gone by but you haven't gotten any wiser. Oh, well. Happy birthday!
  • I don't feel like wishing you a happy birthday. Because, like everyone else, I don't like reminding you that you are growing old. Happy birthday and stay young!
  • Don’t you think you should make your birthday celebration more mature this year? I agree. Instead of offering orange juice and cake, I think you should graduate to champagne, exotic wine, and caviar. Have a great birthday!
  • What are you so happy about? It's your birthday and you are going to have to spend a lot of money to keep us happy. Have fun doing it! Happy birthday!
  • Keep some hangover pills ready—we're going to make sure that you need them tomorrow morning. Happy birthday!
  • I look forward to your birthday every year because I can party in the best places in town. Hey, at least I'm honest. Happy birthday!
  • Facebook told me it was your birthday, so I'm writing on your wall. Happy birthday!
  • Be a cool cat and tell us where you're going to throw us a party on your birthday. You know you can't hide from us. Happy birthday!
  • It doesn't matter to me that you're ugly and stupid. You'll always be my friend. Happy birthday!
  • Do you know how you can set yourself apart from the millions of others in this world who share your birthday today? Just throw us a great party! Wishing you a very happy birthday.
  • I wanted to bake you a birthday cake, but I was honestly worried I'd get frosting in my hair. So, I didn't. Happy birthday anyway!
  • I'm stoked you have a karaoke machine for your birthday! As long as you promise not to use it, you can count on me to show up at your party. Happy birthday!
  • If you don't want us to ask you what your real age is today, just keep the chocolate and champagne coming for the rest of the week and we'll keep mum. Happy birthday!
  • It would be so much easier to get you the perfect birthday gift if you'd just buy one yourself. Happy birthday!
  • Smart, good looking, and funny. But enough about me. Happy birthday!
  • An amazing watch, a sexy outfit, a souvenir cap, or the latest PS2 game—I was wondering what I could buy you for your birthday. Don't get too excited, though. None of that was in my budget. Here's a card instead. Happy birthday!
Make your friends laugh with a hilarious, insulting, and slightly rude birthday message.

Make your friends laugh with a hilarious, insulting, and slightly rude birthday message.

Rude Adjectives to Describe Your Friend

bitchy

fussy

stubborn

grumpy

sarcastic

big-headed

lazy

cunning

nasty

silly

bossy

stupid

pompous

arrogant

belligerent

Ways to Insult Your Friend for Being Old

  • It's not your fault, buddy. No one can help that fact that you're growing old. Haha! So you might as well enjoy it while you can.
  • I am here with you to mourn the loss of your youth. Happy birthday!
  • Have you really grown wiser this year or are you acting up because it's your birthday today? Happy birthday!
  • Have you started getting calls from the AARP yet? Or maybe the local funeral home? Well, better get started. Happy birthday!
  • Age may seem like just a number, but look in the mirror and you'll change your mind. Happy birthday!
  • Tell me, what was it like when dinosaurs were still around? Haha, just kidding. Happy birthday!
  • You're one year closer to a senior discount. Congratulations!
  • You are amazing, wise, super cool, fantastic, brilliant, intelligent—but don't get too excited. I'm only saying all these things because it's your birthday today.
  • Happy birthday! Just as a reminder, I think it's time for you to get Life Alert.
  • Do you remember the last time I told you that you were an amazing person? Of course you don't, because you're growing old and your memory is failing you. On that note, have a great birthday today.
  • I feel bad making age-related jokes because you're actually pretty old. Happy birthday!
  • We know you're growing old, but you'll always be young on the inside. Happy birthday, champ.
  • We know that you're becoming dull and forgetful with age but don't you forget to give us some birthday cake. Happy birthday!
  • So many candles, so little cake. Happy birthday!
  • May the candles on your cake outnumber the hairs on your head. Happy birthday!
  • While you have teeth, I hope you keep smiling. Happy birthday!
  • Congratulations—we'll never have to say you died too young. Happy birthday!
  • Old age isn't so bad. After all, you could be dead. Happy birthday!
  • Do you really expect us to bring you candles and a birthday cake? We're going to be exhausted due to the number of candles we'll have to light. Happy birthday, old buddy.
  • Keep celebrating and smiling as long as your body allows you to. After a few years, we'll probably be saying happy birthday to each other from our rocking chairs. Happy birthday, buddy. Have a great one.
  • May you live to be old and toothless. Oh wait, you already did. Happy birthday!
  • I'm sorry my birthday wishes are belated—I honestly didn't think you'd live this long. Happy birthday!

Mean Names to Call Your Friend

loser

mouth-breather

tool

douchebag

cow

geezer

blowhard

moron

oddball

animal

clown

dork

Use these examples of funny happy birthday wishes as inspiration, and tailor them to specifically address your friend's weak spot. Write a witty yet sarcastic birthday message and make sure you have fun watching someone being embarrassed because, rest assured, they are going to give it back to you on your birthday.

Comments

Zaeem on May 21, 2020:

Well to be very honest they are anoynomously gr8.... I was in search for some wayward- heart touching and you know something genuine for a s v n year old sis and then onwards the whole year around I searched for wishes I badly wanted but did not needed!!!must try!

Isaac on May 11, 2020:

They are cool

isaiah on September 21, 2019:

They're amazing

SarcasmGirlWhoLovesTo Insult on May 18, 2018:

Woah! Some of them ARE pretty sweet! Some I didn't even think of! Sarcasm is my hobby lol! I once said ur wishes out loud at one of my friend's birthday n she really took it seriously! TALK ABOUT MOOD KILLERS-_-......Soooooo I LOOOVE ur wishes n hope u make more=^=

Agentvenom on July 25, 2016:

Some of them are pretty awesome

Angie D from Cebu, PH on June 17, 2012:

LOL! I like your sense of humour, princesswithapen! I may borrow a few of your ideas.hahaha