101 Silly Halloween One-Liners and Jokes for Kids

I collected these Halloween jokes and one-liners for my granddaughters, but I thought I should share them for everyone to enjoy.

My granddaughters asked me if I could print these out for them to take to school for their Halloween party, so I made them into little booklets and sent the girls to school with one for each of their classmates. This gave me the idea to make more booklets to hand out to trick-or-treaters, too. You can do the same or just enjoy them with friends and family during your Halloween celebration.

1. What are the days of the vampire week? Moon-day, Tooth-day, Veins-day, Thirst-day, and Fright-day.
2. What's a vampire's favorite fast food? A guy with very high blood pressure.
3. What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel.
4. Why are vampires stupid? Because they are all suckers.
5. Why are vampire jokes bad? Because they are a pain in the neck.
6. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
7. What type of pet dog do vampires like the best? Bloodhounds.
8. What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich.
9. Where does a vampire have lunch? At the casketeria.
10. What type of surgery does a vampire doctor perform? Fly-by-night operations.
11. Why did the dyslexic vampire starve to death? He couldn't find any doolb.
12. Did you hear about the unsuccessful vampire hunter? He tried to kill a vampire by driving a pork chop through its heart because steaks were too expensive.
13. Why do vampires need mouthwash? They have bat breath.
14. What is a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball.
15. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a werewolf? A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
16. What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangsgiving.
17. What is Transylvania? Vampire terror-tory.
18. Where does a vampire water-ski? On Lake Erie.
19. Why was the baby vampire scared to go to the bathroom? Because he was afraid of the light.
20. Where do vampires store their money? In a blood bank.
21. What does a vampire fear most? Tooth decay.
22. Where did the vampire open his savings account? At a blood bank.
23. Who did the vampire take to the prom? His ghoul-friend.
24. Why couldn't the vampire's wife get to sleep? Because of her husband's coffin.
25. What tree does the vampire love the best? A ceme-tree.

1. Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop!
2. What do you say to a skeleton going on vacation? Bone voyage!
3. Which skeleton was a famous detective? Sherlock Bones.
4. What do you call a skeleton who won't work? Lazy bones.
5. What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? A trombone.
6. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts!
7. What do you say to a skeleton before he eats? Bone appetit!
8. Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don't have any body to go out with.
9. Why can't a skeleton have fingers more than 11 inches long? Because 12 inches is a foot.
10. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
11. Who was the most famous French skeleton? Napoleon Bone-apart.
12. What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day? Bone-Bones in a heart-shaped box.
13. What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle? I was bone to be wild.
14. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? You suck.
15. What did the skeleton order at the restaurant? Spare-ribs.

1. How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray.
2. Why do witches fly on brooms? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
3. Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners don't have long enough cords.
4. Why don't witches ride their brooms when they're angry? They're afraid of flying off the handle!
5. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
6. What do people say to the parents of twin witches? Which witch is which?
7. How do you make a witch scratch? Take away the "w."
8. What was a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
9. What do you call a witch's garage? The broom closet.
10. Which story do the little witches like to hear at bedtime? Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares.

1. What did the ghost buy for his haunted house? Home moaners insurance.
2. What does the papa ghost say to his family when he's driving? Fasten your sheet-belts.
3. What is a ghost's favorite type of music? Haunting melodies.
4. What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spook-etti.
5. What do short-sighted ghosts wear? Spook-tacles.
6. What do you call a drunken ghost? A methylated spirit.
7. Who does a female ghost see on a Friday night? Her boo-friend.
8. What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl? Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot.
9. What did one ghost say to the other ghost? Do you believe in people?
10. What did one ghost ask another? Do humans exist?
11. What does a ghost eat for lunch? A boo-logna sandwich.
12. Why was the little ghost stupid? Because he climbed over walls.
13. What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice scream.
14. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bam-boo.
15. What kinds of mistakes do ghosts make? Boo boos.
16. Who is the most famous ghost detective? Shelock Moans.
17. Why did the ghost go to the bar? For the boo-ze.
18. What do you call a ghost that gets too close to a bonfire? A toasty ghosty.
19. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
20. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? Anywhere he can boo-gie.
21. Where do ghosts live? In a far distant terror-tory.
22. What happened when the male ghost met the female ghost? It was love at first fright.
23. What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car? They boo-kle their seatbelts.
24. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? To the day-scare center.
25. What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation? A scare-plane.
26. What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost? Don't spook unless you're spooken to.
27. What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Boo-berries.
28. Why do ghosts like tall buildings? Because they have a lot of scare-cases.
29. Why did the ghost go the doctor? To get his boo-ster shot.
30. When does a ghost need a license? During haunting season.

1. What is a Mummy's favorite type of music? Wrap!
2. Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They're too wrapped up in themselves.
3. Why do mummies make excellent spies? They're good at keeping things under wraps.
4. Why did the mummy call the doctor? Because he was coffin.
5. Where do mummies go for a swim? The Dead Sea.
6. What do you call a friendly dead pharaoh? A chummy mummy.

1. Who goes to the monsters' PTA? Mummies and deadies.
2. What do you do when 20 monsters surround your house? Hope it's Halloween!
3. What kind of streets do monsters like the best? Dead ends and skull-de-sacs.
4. Do monsters eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.
5. Why did the monster eat a light bulb? Because he was in need of a light snack.
6. Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles? Have you ever tried to iron a monster?
7. How do monsters know their future? They read their horror-scopes.
8. What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine? A wash-and-wear wolf.
9. What's a monsters favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
10. What monster flies his kite in a rainstorm? Benjamin Frankenstein.

1. What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? He was repossessed.
2. What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fetuccini-afraid-o.
3. What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
4. What game do little cannibals like to play at parties? Swallow the leader.
5. What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer.
6. Why are demons and ghouls always together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

*Thanks to B.T. and GwendyMom for the additions.