30 Funny, Corny, And Cheesy Christmas Jokes

Updated on November 17, 2016

Christmas Jokes

Every year we sit around the table to eat Christmas dinner, we have out turkey with all the trimmings followed by the Christmas pudding and maybe even a little glass of eggnog.

Then we join together to open the Christmas crackers with their paper crowns, their little treat and of course no Christmas cracker would be complete without the cheesy corny Christmas joke.

Jokes at Christmas rather than make you laugh are so cheesy that they make you groan and wonder who ever thought that they were funny in the first place.

Hopefully in this list of jokes you will find at least one that will tickle your tastebuds and at least bring a smile to your face.

Christmas Crackers

Christmas Crackers are a lot of fun but most of the time the jokes inside them are awful.
Christmas Crackers are a lot of fun but most of the time the jokes inside them are awful. | Source

Top 10 Christmas Cracker Jokes

Christmas cracker jokes are notoriously bad they are cheesy and corny and never very funny but that is part of the fun of reading them.

  1. Why did the snowman retire from sport? Snow Competition
  2. What do you call a baby Snowman? A Snowball
  3. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker
  4. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Crisp Kringle
  5. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas Eve
  6. Why are turkeys wiser than chickens? Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Turkey?
  7. Who gives presents and bites people? Santa Jaws
  8. What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn't move? Santa Pause
  9. What's a child's favourite king at Christmas? A Stocking
  10. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calender at Christmas? He got 12 months

Feel free to stop groaning now because that is the end of the Christmas Cracker Jokes

Santa Jokes

Santa Claus is not surprisingly the butt of most Christmas Jokes.
Santa Claus is not surprisingly the butt of most Christmas Jokes. | Source

Top 10 Funny Christmas Jokes For Children

Christmas is a time to spend with your family, especially your children why not keep them amused with some Christmas jokes that are just clean fun?

  1. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitus.
  2. Why Doesn't Santa Claus think of the past or the future? Because he likes to live in the Present Day.
  3. Why does Santa Claus live at the North Pole? Because that is where his house is.
  4. What is Santa's favorite sport? The North Pole Vault.
  5. Where did Santa first meet and dance with his wife? at the annual Snowball.
  6. Who is Santa's favorite pop group? Sister Sledge.
  7. Why does Santa take presents to children around the world? Because the presents won't take themselves.
  8. What's red and green and flies? An airsick Santa Claus.
  9. How do you know when Santa Claus is ill? The doctors send out an elf warning.
  10. What goes ho, ho, ho, bonk? Santa Claus laughing his head off.

Christmas Bauble

Always ensure that your balls are properly secured, you don't want them to fall off and get lost under the table.
Always ensure that your balls are properly secured, you don't want them to fall off and get lost under the table. | Source

The Turkey Is Running Scared

It's Christtmas time, the turkey's are running for the hills.
It's Christtmas time, the turkey's are running for the hills. | Source

Top 10 Adult Christmas Jokes

These Christmas jokes are for adults but not because they are necessarily dirty but more because they would not be understood by younger children.

  1. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper? He sold his soul to Santa
  2. Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse? Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered "No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!"
  3. Why is Santa Claus always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
  4. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  5. Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time? Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
  6. How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike? They both have ornamental balls.
  7. What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies? Snowballs.
  8. Why is Santa's wife always unsatisfied? Because he only has one sack and only comes once a year and that is down a chimney.
  9. A little girl asked santa to send her a sister. Santa said " On one condition, send me your Mother.
  10. It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

    Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

    Oh, come on baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

    "But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

    Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

    Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

    Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....


    "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

A Christmas Poem

Enough of the bad jokes to finish I would like to share a romantic poem with you.

He laid her on the table. So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat. He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast. And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide...he looked inside.
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms And then he stuffed the turkey.

Have a Merry Christmas when it comes and a Happy New Year.

Questions & Answers

    Comments

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      • peachpurple profile image

        peachy 

        3 years ago from Home Sweet Home

        santa pause! I was laughing my heads off

      • Pawpawwrites profile image

        Jim 

        4 years ago from Kansas

        I guess Christmas is just like a day at the office. Nice ones.

      • Brite-Ideas profile image

        Barbara Tremblay Cipak 

        4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

        LOL! These are the kind of Christmas Crackers I need to get for our table! I'm going to do it this year (didn't realize they existed until this post!) BTW number 4 in the first set 'Crisp Kringle' ..I laughed a little too much!

      • ketage profile image

        ketage 

        5 years ago from Croatia

        LOL , Just what I needed to start my day :) voted up funny

      • expertscolumn profile image

        Stanley Soman 

        5 years ago from New York

        how do you guys even come up with these jokes, or is everyone in your family naturally funny?

      • pstraubie48 profile image

        Patricia Scott 

        5 years ago from sunny Florida

        good morning and Merry Christmas...while it is still early and quiet I am reading Christmas entries here on hubpages. I always love a smile...this is a collection I must add to my jokes file...love these. Thanks for sharing...and

        Sending Christmas Angels to you and yours. :) ps

      • Kristine Manley profile image

        Donna Kristine 

        5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

        I was laughing all the way. Voted up!

      • justateacher profile image

        LaDena Campbell 

        5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

        Funny and something for everyone! Thanks for sharing!

      • Man from Modesto profile image

        Man from Modesto 

        5 years ago from Kiev, Ukraine (formerly Modesto, California)

        Yes, "Santa" is an anagram for Satan.

        Jesus was born during the time of the annual census. This happened immediately after the harvest. This would be late September or early October.

      • CZCZCZ profile image

        CZCZCZ 

        5 years ago from Oregon

        Going to use some of these just for fun. Thanks for sharing them and happy holidays!

      • Pinkchic18 profile image

        Sarah Carlsley 

        5 years ago from Minnesota

        Too funny! I'm going to use a couple of these ;)

      • shampa sadhya profile image

        Shampa Sadhya 

        5 years ago from NEW DELHI, INDIA

        Voted up and funny!

        It's interestingly funny. Loved the article.

      • Vellur profile image

        Nithya Venkat 

        5 years ago from Dubai

        Enjoyed reading, totally entertained.

      • rutley profile image

        rutley 

        5 years ago from South Jersey

        Dry as provolone cheese but cute......thanks for the chuckle!

      • chrissieklinger profile image

        chrissieklinger 

        5 years ago from Pennsylvania

        I have never heard of a Christmas cracker, and I now look forward to sharing some of these cheesy jokes with my children....very funny!

      • cat on a soapbox profile image

        Catherine Tally 

        5 years ago from Los Angeles

        Cheeseball or not, the jokes were entertaining and made me smile. Thanks!

        Happy Holidays to you :)

      • mpropp profile image

        Melissa Propp 

        5 years ago from Minnesota

        Very funny, I especially liked the adult jokes. You gave me several chuckles. Thanks!

      • James Peters profile image

        James Timothy Peters 

        5 years ago from Hammond, Indiana

        These are perfect. Some I could tell to my neices and nephews, and a few to my cousins.

        AWESOME HUB!

        Thumbs Up & More!!

        Write On!!

      • Sherry Hewins profile image

        Sherry Hewins 

        5 years ago from Sierra Foothills, CA

        Corny And Cheesy alright, but it did make me smile.

      • Sunshine625 profile image

        Linda Bilyeu 

        5 years ago from Orlando, FL

        Thank you for the festive humor Jimmy!! I just might be reading your jokes to the family on Christmas Day:)

      • mary615 profile image

        Mary Hyatt 

        5 years ago from Florida

        I had been reading some very serious Hubs today, and I'll tell you: this was just what I needed! I loved your jokes , especially the closing poem! That was great.

        I bookmarked this Hub and will print so I can read your jokes around our table at Christmas.

        Voted it UP, etc.

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