30 Funny, Corny, And Cheesy Christmas Jokes
Every year we sit around the table to eat Christmas dinner, we have out turkey with all the trimmings followed by the Christmas pudding and maybe even a little glass of eggnog.
Then we join together to open the Christmas crackers with their paper crowns, their little treat and of course no Christmas cracker would be complete without the cheesy corny Christmas joke.
Jokes at Christmas rather than make you laugh are so cheesy that they make you groan and wonder who ever thought that they were funny in the first place.
Hopefully in this list of jokes you will find at least one that will tickle your tastebuds and at least bring a smile to your face.
Top 10 Christmas Cracker Jokes
Christmas cracker jokes are notoriously bad they are cheesy and corny and never very funny but that is part of the fun of reading them.
- Why did the snowman retire from sport? Snow Competition
- What do you call a baby Snowman? A Snowball
- What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker
- What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Crisp Kringle
- What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas Eve
- Why are turkeys wiser than chickens? Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Turkey?
- Who gives presents and bites people? Santa Jaws
- What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn't move? Santa Pause
- What's a child's favourite king at Christmas? A Stocking
- What happened to the man who shoplifted a calender at Christmas? He got 12 months
Feel free to stop groaning now because that is the end of the Christmas Cracker Jokes
Top 10 Funny Christmas Jokes For Children
Christmas is a time to spend with your family, especially your children why not keep them amused with some Christmas jokes that are just clean fun?
- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitus.
- Why Doesn't Santa Claus think of the past or the future? Because he likes to live in the Present Day.
- Why does Santa Claus live at the North Pole? Because that is where his house is.
- What is Santa's favorite sport? The North Pole Vault.
- Where did Santa first meet and dance with his wife? at the annual Snowball.
- Who is Santa's favorite pop group? Sister Sledge.
- Why does Santa take presents to children around the world? Because the presents won't take themselves.
- What's red and green and flies? An airsick Santa Claus.
- How do you know when Santa Claus is ill? The doctors send out an elf warning.
- What goes ho, ho, ho, bonk? Santa Claus laughing his head off.
The Turkey Is Running Scared
Top 10 Adult Christmas Jokes
These Christmas jokes are for adults but not because they are necessarily dirty but more because they would not be understood by younger children.
- Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper? He sold his soul to Santa
- Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse? Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered "No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!"
- Why is Santa Claus always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
- Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
- Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time? Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
- How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike? They both have ornamental balls.
- What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies? Snowballs.
- Why is Santa's wife always unsatisfied? Because he only has one sack and only comes once a year and that is down a chimney.
- A little girl asked santa to send her a sister. Santa said " On one condition, send me your Mother.
- It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."
Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.
Oh, come on baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.
Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."
A Christmas Poem
Enough of the bad jokes to finish I would like to share a romantic poem with you.
He laid her on the table. So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat. He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast. And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide...he looked inside.
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms And then he stuffed the turkey.
Have a Merry Christmas when it comes and a Happy New Year.