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Elf on the Shelf Holiday Helper: 9 Christmas Gift Ideas for Naughty Boys and Girls

FlourishAnyway is an I/O psychologist and parent with a slapstick sense of humor.

A couple of weeks of good behavior aren't enough to undo a whole year of mischief.

A couple of weeks of good behavior aren't enough to undo a whole year of mischief.

Santa Has a Helper

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, a magical thing seems to happen every year. People become much better-behaved versions of themselves. But here's the thing: A couple of weeks cannot make up for a year's worth of naughtydom.

Old Santa's naughty radar has become frazzled and frayed, but St. Nick still knows when those pesky youngsters

  • stay up at night texting to friends
  • utter "potty words"
  • eye-roll behind teachers' and parents' backs
  • swap healthy snacks for junk food, and
  • merely pretend to bathe.

As kids have become more challenging, so has Santa's job. Overwhelmed, the Jolly Old Guy has now outsourced the "checking it twice" part of the nice and naughty list to the Elf on the Shelf.

Replacing the Lump of Coal With Other Gift Ideas

With the value of coal being what it is, it's become like chunks of black gold. Frugal Old St. Nick has decided he can't waste it on all of those who won't behave.

Rather than leaving coal in the stockings of naughty children, he has, therefore, asked his little sidekick, the Elf on the Shelf, to develop a list of Christmas gift ideas for the naughty ones this past year. Being somewhat naughty himself, here are the ideas the Elf came up with:

1. Poo Dough (Complete With "Corn")

Awful and funny, all wrapped up into one. What naughty kid wouldn't love this toy? With this brown play dough mold, your bad boy or girl can craft their own harmless brown turd, add artful bits of yellow dough to resemble corn, then leave it where the little brown loaf can garner the largest surprise.

Just imagine Grandma's reaction to some well-placed false feces in her house—especially when the kiddo picks it up and hands it directly to her. Now that's naughty! My husband and I gave this as a gag gift at a White Elephant Christmas party, and adults like it, too!

Sorry about your furniture!  Grandma will be so relieved to find out it's not real.

Sorry about your furniture! Grandma will be so relieved to find out it's not real.

2. Fake Spilled Nail Polish

Any naughty child will get a kick out of placing this on a new carpet, an expensive piece of furniture, an heirloom quilt, or perhaps a marble countertop. Watch parents, the babysitter, and others go berserk!

Seriously. What naughty kid wouldn't want to bathe using shower gel that comes out of a big silicone nose? Think of it as ooey, gooey, drippy, slimy snot.

Seriously. What naughty kid wouldn't want to bathe using shower gel that comes out of a big silicone nose? Think of it as ooey, gooey, drippy, slimy snot.

3. Nose-Shaped Shower Gel Dispenser

I've never understood the aversion to personal hygiene that happens in middle childhood. For some reason, naughty boys and girls believe that simply running the bathwater, splashing it around and maybe even moistening some towels will trick parents into believing they've actually bathed. But their body rust eventually gives them away.

Until the little rascals outgrow their aversion to showers, here's a way to help them clean up their act.

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4. Canned Unicorn Meat

If your little girl enjoys unicorns she'll just LOVE eating them! Whether boiled, fried, or straight out of the can, unicorn meat will have your little princess seeing sparkles and rainbows while she farts hopes and dreams. (Also comes in fire-breathing Dragon Meat flavor.)

elf-on-the-shelf-holiday-helper-christmas-gift-ideas-for-naughty-boys-and-girls

5. Fake Cockroaches

Fewer things will get a reaction quicker than a well-placed cockroach. Cockroaches are often associated with damp and unsanitary places such as sewers, garbage disposals, bathrooms, and kitchens.

Imagine the fun that your naughty child will have pranking teachers, grandparents, friends and strangers with these realistic-looking insects.

Think of all the places your naughty kid can place these fake roaches to get a great reaction:

  • in the kitchen pantry
  • on the floor
  • on the dinner table
  • in the laundry room.

Your little prankster can even place one upside down for maximum realistic effect. (Note: Any self-respecting, ill-behaved child videotapes his or her work.)

"Baa haa haa!  Fooled you"!  The prankster will enjoy seeing the reactions of lucky lotto winners when they find out they've been fooled.

"Baa haa haa! Fooled you"! The prankster will enjoy seeing the reactions of lucky lotto winners when they find out they've been fooled.

6. Fake Lottery Tickets

Your naughty kid will earn his or her reputation with these authentic-looking lottery tickets, each of which is a "winner." Just don't let Junior use them on anyone who can't take a joke!

What's funnier than a fart?  Farts set to music!

What's funnier than a fart? Farts set to music!

7. Farting Piano

Any poorly behaved kid with crude humor will just love this farting piano. (It burps, gags, sneezes, and makes other gross sounds, too!) Naughty kids can take bathroom humor to a whole new level by playing Jingle Bells to the sound of passed gas.

Sometimes They Start Early

This one will be at the top of Santa's naughty list by the time she's in elementary school.

This one will be at the top of Santa's naughty list by the time she's in elementary school.

8. Bubba Teeth Pacifier

Got a naughty little crier on your hands? Put a plug in it. These cute pacifiers will give your little attention hound what he or she needs. Also available in the following styles:

  • gold gangsta grillz
  • mustache
  • Li'l Sherlock
  • mute or snooze buttons and
  • pig or rabbit noses
Stop your naughty little one from whining with this Bubba Teeth Pacifier.

Stop your naughty little one from whining with this Bubba Teeth Pacifier.

9. Zombie Jerky

Thank goodness this jerky comes in teriyaki flavor! (Zombies are known to taste a bit rank. They usually have a faint flavor of brains.) Any naughty kid with this in his lunch will find that no one will trade with him. Zombie toenails and skin are also available.

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Parting Words for Parents

Santa and the Elf on the Shelf know that even the ill-behaved kids aren't naughty 100% of the time. So with these small gifts and the prospect of a new year ahead, there's hope that the bad boys and girls will change their ways.

If you have a naughty kid or teen, be patient with them and keep trying. I bet even YOU weren't perfect growing up. Merry Christmas!

Jimmy Kimmel's Challenge: I Gave My Kids a Terrible Present

Modern Day Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

Oh! You better watch out,
Stop rolling those eyes,
Watch your filthy mouth,
Stop telling those lies
Santa Claus is coming to town!

He's making a list,
Checking it twice,
Gonna find out who's naughty or nice.
Santa Claus is coming to town!

He sees you when you're texting,
He knows you're still awake.
He knows if you've been bad or good,
So be good for your own sake!

Oh! You better watch out,
Stop rolling those eyes,
Watch your filthy mouth,
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus is coming to town!

Source

  1. Jacobs, Steve. "American Cockroaches." Entomology (Penn State University). Last modified January 2013. http://ento.psu.edu/extension/factsheets/american-cockroaches.

© 2014 FlourishAnyway

Comments

FlourishAnyway (author) from USA on December 06, 2017:

Catherine - Kids love these things though!

Catherine Giordano from Orlando Florida on December 06, 2017:

This was very funny, also sort of disgusting. I don't think I wold ever buy any of these things, but thanks for making me laugh.

BBYCGN from Uninhabited Regions on November 18, 2017:

I clicked your link to this gift. Hahaha..funny!

I might buy it and put it on passenger’s seat in my car. LOL... Then, I’ll ask Grandma if I can pick her up to take her shopping :-)