How to Honour Mother's Day for Those Who Have Lost Their Mom
For Those Who Have Lost Their Mom
Those of us whose mothers have passed away live differently in this world. We are no longer anchored by the comforting knowledge of that one person who has known us, before we even knew ourselves.
We are cut off, from the most primal of connection, left to drift alone in a world that is strange.
We go on, because we must, but part of the softness we once knew is forever gone. We are a group unto ourselves, we who have lost our mother.
Losing a mother is the ultimate act of growing up—a maturation that is forced upon without time to adapt. We become grown up, because there is no one left to take care of us, besides God. We either grow up, or we don't survive.
I lost my mother, Sharon Ramona, nine years ago. Nine years ago, I spent my first Mother's Day without her. How painful it was to pass a Hallmark store, knowing I would never buy another card for her.
How numbing it was to go to church, and see all the mothers getting their roses from the front, and know there never be a rose for her again. Now, nine years later, the pain has turned into a void that will never quite go away.
I will always miss her. The intense pain has subsided, but there will always be a deep loss. With this sense of loss, there is also such a strong sense of gratefulness for everything that she did, and was. My love for her is as strong as it ever was. It simply has to be postponed, until we meet again.
Mother's Day can be painful, or poignant, or perhaps both for those who have lost their mother. Whatever emotions we had towards her, during her life on earth, do not go away. The relationship does not end, because the love does not stop. Love never dies.
And we never stop wanting to honour our mothers, whether she is here on earth, or not. How can we honour her, on this day, meant just for her? I have been asking this question to myself. Here are some ideas.
Spend Time With Others
If you would like to spend the day with others:
- Spend the day with others who loved your mom as you did. Talk about her together. Phone them if you don't live near each other.
- Honour the other mother figures in your life. An aunt, a mother-in-law, grandmother, older friend. It's not betraying her, to love them. It honours her.
- Tell her grandkids about their grandmother, your mother. Share some funny stories. See how much they remind you of her.
- Spend time with people you love. Take joy in life. She would want you to do this. Take time to appreciate and listen.
Sometimes I Dream of My Mother, and She Is Alive
Tribute to My Mother
I wrote a tribute for my mother called "My Mother Taught Me to See Beauty." Writing about my mom helped me in the healing process. Doing something in memory of the person we lost is a way of honouring them and doing something good with the bad that life has given us.
Spend Time Alone
Or if you would like to reflect, you may wish to spend time alone.
- Do something you both loved. Read, drink tea, watch birds, play some Elvis. And remember her.
- Go for a walk. Go to the garden. Nature heals. Remember her in your quiet time.
- Write something to, or about your mother. I wrote this poem a year or so after she had passed. Let out any feelings about her, good or bad. Write her a message about how what she means to you.
- If you are feeling down about your life, or scared to keep going, remember all the good things she said about you. Remember how strong you are, and how you are her daughter. How you make her proud. And let that be strength to you.
- Worship. Pray. If you are a believer, worshiping God will connect to what is real. Remember the woman that gave you birth.
"Mother of Mine," Beautiful!
Here are some Scriptures that may be of comfort to those who are missing a mother.
Beautiful Tribute to a Mother
- And I Will Always Love You - A Memory
There is a song that reminds me of my mother. The song that usually makes me cry hopelessly, every time I hear it on the radio.
Take Care of Yourself
From one person who no longer has a mom to another, take care on this day. Be good to yourself, and to others. Take care of yourself, as your mom would have liked. Losing a mom is one of the hardest losses anyone can endure. Try not to let yourself go into a depression of which you cannot escape. Reach out, if you need to. And remember that it is normal to feel bad. It is understandable.
And remember that loving others—your children, if you have them—passes on the love, from one generation to the next. By loving as your mother loved, you are the embodiment of her, and that is one of the most profound ways that you can honour her.
This Song Makes Me Cry: "Good Mother"
Quotes About Mothers
- "The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness." —Honoré de Balzac
- "I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life." —Abraham Lincoln
- "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." —Rajneesh