Twelve Really Bad Holiday Songs Countdown
I am dedicating this article to Pastor Dan Whitmarsh of Lakebay, WA., because he inspired me to write it. He's been posting his most un-favorite Christmas songs on Facebook. You can find out his least favorite Christmas song at the end.
There are some Holiday songs that really grate on me (you might call them GRATE holiday songs), some have been so overplayed I'm sick of them, and still others I've outgrown. My list here is a conglomeration of old and new songs, some going way back, and a couple of new ones. There are so many more songs I dislike, but I don't want to go on forever and ever.
In looking for videos to these songs on Youtube, I came across some really terrible stuff by contemporary bands and singers, like rappers, Madonna, and the like. They are so bad I won't put myself through them, nor you, so lets just say their below the bottom and not give them any acknowledgment at all.
I'd love for you to share some with me. By the way, please forgive the stupid ads they tagged onto most of these videos. It's an annoying thing Youtube is doing these days and it gripes me no end. Let's get to it.
12 Really Bad Holiday Songs Countdown
From Bad to the Absolute Worst
Wonderful Christmas Time
Paul McCartney and Wings
Little Drummer Boy
Bing Crosby and David Bowie
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
Elmo & Patsy
Alvin and the Chipmunks
I Think You Might Like It
John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
#12 Wonderful Christmas Time - Paul McCartney
This one is such a disappointment. In fact it is just plain lame considering it comes from one of the greatest song writers of all time. But then, when Paul and Linda started out together in their band called Wings, their quality of songs were completely substandard. Paul McCartney could do a lot better than this, and what really bugs me is how much airtime it gets on the radio. Even our local Christian radio station. I simply do not listen to them this time of year.
# 11 Feliz Navidad - Jose Feliciano
If I was categorizing these I would list this one as most redundant. What bugs me about this song is that the same two phrases are sung over and over. I mean, I get it already, Feliz Navidad, I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart. I'd like to tell Jose I wanna tell you to please stop singing from the bottom of my heart.
#10 Mele Kalikmaka - Bing Crosby
I'm sorry, but tropical Christmas just doesn't float my boat. What's so funny about this song is that it is sung by the man who sang "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas." Also, I cannot hear this song without thinking about Chevy Chase in that movie National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. If you've seen the movie it plays when Clark (Chase's character) is looking out the window and fantasizing about a bikini clad woman at the swimming pool he hopes to get with the Christmas bonus (which he ends up not getting). Anyway, it's a song that sounds like a Christmas environment I never want to be in.
# 9 Little Drummer Boy - Bing Crosby & David Bowie
This song has always irritated me. I just want to put a lid on the Pa rum pa pum pum-ing throughout the song. I came across this 1977 Bing Crosby Christmas special in which David Bowie was a guest. Together they did a duet of this song. There is a few minutes of them talking to each other, obviously scripted, then they go into the song. It's hokie, and Bowie singing with Bing, and singing a traditional Christmas song just seems like a paradox. All that said, David Bowie does seem to convince me has a decent voice. I just never liked his songs and the way he sang them. This just doesn't work for me either.
# 8 I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Jackson 5
I don't like any of the Jackson 5 Christmas songs. It was hard to decide between this one and Santa Clause is Coming to Town. I chose this one for the dumb lyrics. The Jackson's would have done really well with the more sacred Christmas songs. But these dumb songs they did are like fingers on a chalkboard.
# 7 Christmas Shoes - Alabama
I need to take anti-nausea medication when I hear this song. Listening to it is like taking a nose dive into a vat of thick, Karo syrup. Sappy, hokie, melodramatic, taking tugging on the heartstrings to a new dimension. The Video is from Alabama but Newsong is also well known for their rendition.
I know many people love this song, but this is my hub, and so I am putting it on my list. A big fat thumbs down. Alabama and/or New Song will not go to Vegas.
# 6 Grandma Got run Over by a Reindeer - Elmo and Patsy
The first time I heard this I was quite amused. But the stupidness of it caught up with me quickly. I don't think I really need to elaborate. You are all intelligent human beings and can decide for yourself.
# 5 Christmas Song - Alvin and the Chipmunks
I loved this song when I was a kid; had the album in fact. Then I had a son who was an Alvin and the Chipmunks fanatic (he's 33 now, and has overcome). But I hear this so much even on my local Christian radio station. Time to move on. Love Alvin and the guys, but we need to put this one to rest.
# 4 Jingle Bells- The Singing Dogs
First of all, I hate Jingle Bells no matter who sings it. But the canine rendition really takes the cake. The only thing I ever liked about it was when we used to play it for our dog. Her ears would perk up in the alert stance and she would look at the speakers and bark at them. Sometimes her head would cock to the side in utter bewilderment and she'd start turning around in circles trying to figure out where the dogs were. Great entertainment for about 30 seconds.
# 3 Mistletoe - Justin Beiber
Consider the source with this one. It was sung when Beibs was more well behaved. This song is so anemic, it's almost like he was singing it under nitrous oxide. There is very little detectable tune or melody and the lyrics are really bad. He's trying to blend Christmas and romance, which in my book, rarely works. I'm sorry Beib, but get out from underneath the mistletoe and go have some eggnog.
# 2 I Think You Might Like It - John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John
This song was mistitled - it should be called "I Think You Might Hate It." It is a newer holiday song, which is about as Christmasy and enjoyable as an ingrown toenail. But what do you expect from John and Olivia? It should be a major embarrassment for both of them. It's really, really bad. It's a mixture of sugar and spice and redneck, rubbish. And the little bit of dancing is...well, see for yourself. Man..it's just awful.
# 1 I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas - Gayla Peevy
Not many people have heard this song, but it's been around a long, long time. Gayla Peevy, the girl that sings this utterly ridiculous and repulsive song, made her debut on the Ed Sullivan Show. What was he thinking? Wait until you hear his intro. The worst thing of all is this young lady's whiny, nasally voice; another chalk board scratcher. I would rather have gallstones than spend Christmas listening to Miss Peevy singing about Hippos for Christmas. Oh, and Miss Peevy, this is no stain on your character. I am sure you were a sweet girl.
This concludes my annual 12 Really Bad Christmas Songs Countdown. Agree? Disagree? Have some of your own? Share them in the comments below. We are all waiting with bated breath.
MERRY CHRISTMAS !!! You'll have a happy new year if you don't listen to these songs.
Pastor Dan's Vote for Worst Christmas Song
And the winner is, drum roll please...Christmas Shoes.
Happy Birthday Jesus comes in a close second.
As you can see below, Pastor Dan would much rather be fishing than listening to these bad Christmas songs.
Which of the worst Christmas songs on this list do you most detest?
© 2012 Lori Colbo