I'm a scuba-diving, camera-loving mom with two kids, two dogs, and four cats.
Funny "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" Poems
'Twas the night before Christmas
when all through the land
all the writers were busy trying their hand
at penning a poem that would certainly make
everyone laugh 'til their funny bones ached . . .
With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, here are some funny parodies of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" to get you laughing. I hope you get a good chuckle from these alternate versions of the poem that have been shared online for all to enjoy.
Parody #1: "The Bill Collector"
'Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house
Children sat slack-jawed, bored on the couch.
Wrappings and toys littered the floor,
An incredible mess that I did abhor.
With Mom in her robe and I in my jeans,
We waded in to get the place clean.
When suddenly, the doorbell: it started to clatter,
I sprang to the Security-View to check out the matter.
The new-fallen snow, now blackened with soot,
Was trampled and icy and treacherous to foot.
But suddenly in view, did I gasp and pant:
An unhappy bill collector and eight tiny accountants.
The door flew open, and in they came,
Stern-looking men with bills in my name.
On Discover, on Visa, on American Express,
On Mastercard, too, I sadly confess,
Right to my limits, then beyond my net worth,
Over the top, I had charged in a frenzy of mirth.
The black-suited men, so somber, so strict,
I wondered why me that they had first picked.
They stared at me with a look I couldn't miss,
That said, "Buddy, when are you for paying for this?"
I shrugged my shoulders, but then I grew bolder,
Went to the cabinet and pulled out a folder.
"As you can see," I said with a smile,
"It's bankruptcy that I'll have to file!"
And with a swoop of my arm, my middle digit extended
I threw the bills in the fire: the matter had ended.
The scent of burnt ash came to my nose,
As up the chimney, my creditworthiness rose.
Without another word, they turned and walked out,
Got into their limos, but one gave a shout:
"You may think that's the answer to all of your fears,
But it's nothing you'll charge for at least seven years!
Parody #2: "Some Assembly Required"
'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied, and we were inspired,
In hopes, we could manage "some assembly required."
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's townhouse to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat . . .
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles, the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet, they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."
And then, in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.
We spoke not a word but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold, and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.
Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.
Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"
Then off to dreamland and sweet repose, I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that BATTERIES are never included!
Parody #3: "Merry Catmas"
'Twas the night before Catmas
When all through the house
Not an animal was stirring,
Not even the mouse.
The kitties were snuggled
And tucked in their beds,
While visions of cat goodies
Danced in their heads.
Their stockings were hung
By the cat bowls with care,
In hope that Father Catmas
Soon would be there.
Out on the rooftop
There arose such a hissing,
I knew Father Catmas
Was having trouble parking.
I jumped on the couch,
Stuck my nose to the curtain.
"Here he is!", I purred
"It is him, I'm certain."
What to my deep blue eyes
But Father Catmas himself
In his Cat-sled gear.
He purred, and he purred,
But through the kitty door, he went,
Then stopped and smelled the air
As he picked up a scent.
The cat cookies we left him
Were by the back door.
The kitties had baked them
Not an hour before.
He went about his work
With never a sigh,
Filling the stockings
With toys piled high.
He waved at me
With his mighty paw.
Although I was hiding,
'Twas my little nose he saw.
Out the kitty door, he went
In oh such a rush,
Jumped on his cat-sled
And yelled out, "MUSH!"
The eight Maine Coon cat team
Were raring to go.
They hated 'stand stay',
Especially in the snow.
I could hear him hissing
As he disappeared that night,
"Merry Catmas to all!
OK, team, turn rrrrright!"
Parody #4: "Sunny Florida"
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town
No noses were frozen, no snow fluttered down,
No children in flannels were tucked into bed,
They all wore shorty pajamas instead.
To find wreaths of holly was not very hard
For holly wreaths grew in every yard.
In front of the houses were Daddies and Moms
Adorning the crotons and coconut palms.
The slumbering kiddies were dreaming with glee
That they would find waterskis under the tree.
They all knew that Santa was well on his way
In a red Thunderbird instead of a sleigh.
He whizzed up the highway and zoomed up the roads
In a snappy convertible peddling his loads.
As he jumped from the car he gave a deep chuckle
He was dressed in Bermudas with an ivy league buckle.
There weren't any chimneys, but that caused no gloom
For Santa came in through the Florida room.
He stopped at each house, stayed only a minute
As he emptied his bag of the toys that were in it.
Before he departed he treated himself
To a glass of papaya juice left on the shelf;
Leaped into the car and put it in gear
And drove over bridges, singing with cheer.
But we heard him exclaim as he went on his way
"Merry Christmas, sunny Florida. Wish I could stay!"
More Christmas Fun!
- 20 Funny, Corny, and Cheesy Christmas Jokes
Here's a list of 20 corny Christmas jokes that will either have you rolling on the floor in stitches or groaning out in pain depending on your taste in humor.
- A Really Fun Christmas Party Mad Lib Story Game
I wrote a fun mad lib you can play at your Christmas parties or family get-togethers. We tried it at one of our gatherings, and everyone was rolling in laughter.
- 44 Best Funny Christmas Movies of All Time
Enjoy a cozy night in with one of the funniest Christmas comedy films streaming online. From 'Home Alone' to 'Holidate' these are the best funny Christmas movies ever made that you can stream right now.
What's your favorite funny Night Before Christmas variation? - Share your opinion or just say hi
anonymous on December 24, 2012:
Here is a great Twas the Night Before Christmas Parody about raising little kids lol...its hilarious! toddlerapocalypse.com/twas-the-night-before-christmas-parody/
anonymous on December 13, 2012:
candy47 on December 03, 2012:
I was laughing all the way! Great lens.
John Dyhouse from UK on November 03, 2012:
I recognise one or two of these scenarios, lots of laughs, thanks
writerkath on November 02, 2012:
I'm howling over Larry the Cable Guy's "non-demonational winter holiday" video! This is a WONDERFUL lens! Blessed for making me smile!
caketech on December 25, 2011:
The Night Before Christmas was one of my favorite books when I was two. It was read to me so many times I had it memorized. These variations are so funny! I needed a good laugh!
BuckHawkcenter on December 22, 2011:
Oh, too funny! Belly-laughed my way through the whole thing! Thanks for sharing this great gift of laughter. Merry Christmas to you!
pumpnut lm on December 20, 2010:
Very Funny! Made a couple myself about places I worked in.