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The Top 20 Wedding No-Nos: A Funny Look at Wedding Faux Pas

Bride and Bridesmaids
Bride and Bridesmaids | Source

Wedding season is here and chances are that: a) you have at least one invitation on your kitchen counter or b) you're getting ready for your big day. If you fit into the latter category, what are you doing reading this article? You should be getting your favors together or making sure that Aunt Sue and Uncle Jim, who haven't spoken to each other in 20 years, aren't sitting side by side! I've been to many weddings in my lifetime, and I've seen a lot of things, most were good and but some were definitely bad. By the time I got married at 35, I had compiled a long list of wedding no-nos.

Now, we would all like to think our weddings were perfect (me included), but as anyone who has ever been a guest at a wedding or in a wedding knows, it's just not possible. Inevitably, you'll get that guest who goes bonkers or you'll go to a wedding that seems longer than a 0 - 0 baseball game in the 18th inning. Here are a few tongue-in-cheek pointers from a wedding veteran who has been to more weddings than I can remember and even planned one of my own.

The Top 10 No-Nos for the Wedding Guest

These wedding guest no-nos are in no particular order and, in the interest of full disclosure, I am guilty of at least two of them, but I don't plan on revealing which ones.

  1. RSVP - In the invitation, there will almost always be an addressed stamped envelope with an RSVP card that just requires you to check off yes or no. It's not rocket science! Fill it out and send it back before the deadline.
  2. Don't bring an uninvited guest - Check the invitation envelope. If it's addressed to you and guest and you rsvp'd that 2 people would be attending, then it's ok to bring someone. If the envelope is addressed to you alone, don't bring the guy or gal that you met in the hotel bar the night before. If the invitation says "no kids" then don't bring them. Not everyone thinks it's cute when a screaming 2 year old throws prime rib across the dance floor!
  3. Don't get completely and utterly drunk - Now I am not saying that you shouldn't have a good time. Believe me when I say that I've had my fair share of wedding cocktails. But once you've seen the best man puke on the wedding dress and then pass out on the dais you'll understand why this is a no-no. Let's just say that the buffet was not quite as appealing after that wedding album moment.
  4. Don't take the centerpiece unless you ask for it or win it in one of those wedding games - This happened at two of my tables and those hurricane lamps ended up costing a heck of a lot more than they ever should have.
  5. Don't take over the microphone and give a toast unless you are part of the program - I could never imagine doing this, but then, I clam up if I have to speak to a group of stuffed animals. No one, and I mean no one, wants to sit through a 10 minute toast from some coworker who can't remember the bride's name.
  6. Don't regift - But if you must, then remember to take out the note that your cousin Ida left in the box when she gave you that crystal encrusted pink flamingo lamp 5 years ago.
  7. Dress appropriately - Casual is fine for a casual wedding, but if the invitation says semiformal then torn jeans and a Nascar t-shirt won't cut it.
  8. Go to the wedding service as well as the reception - I've noticed this at more weddings than I thought I would. I get it if you have a time conflict, but if you don't want to sit through the service then don't go at all. It makes it pretty obvious that you're just there for the free food.
  9. Be careful what you say at your table - Sometimes you don't know who you're sitting next to. It could turn out to be the groom's devoutly religious cousin and he may not be amused by all those randy tales you're telling.
  10. Turn your cell phone off - Sorry to have to say this, but you just aren't that important and if you are, then turn it to vibrate.

Wedding Cake
Wedding Cake | Source

The Top 10 No-Nos for the Wedding

Everyone wants their wedding a certain way but you don't have to torture your guests in the process. With a little common sense and a calm head everyone can have a great time.

  1. Be kind to your bridesmaids - That dress with full gathering around the waist, a huge bow on the butt and sleeves that puffed out like the shoulder pads on an all pro linebacker did me absolutely no favors.
  2. If you invite someone to your shower, invite them to your wedding - If your guest is good enough to help chip in for a fun-filled weekend to Key West, then they are darn well good enough to make the wedding list cut, especially with a guest list of 250.
  3. Don't have a super long break between the ceremony and the reception - Waiting 6 hours for a cocktail and a bacon wrapped scallop doesn't make for a festive start to the evening. Driving for over 2 hours from the church to the reception hall puts a damper on things too. It wouldn't kill you to look for something closer.
  4. Don't wait until the end of the night to cut the cake - Some of your guests may not want to dance the night away, but they really want a piece of that red velvet goodness. Get all your formalities out of the way at the beginning of the reception so your guests don't feel bad leaving early.
  5. Send thank you notes - A $200 crystal bowl deserves a 2 minute thank you note. Believe me when I say that the person who doesn't get a thank you note won't easily forget it.
  6. Be mindful when planning an outdoor wedding - A dusty Texas field dotted with cow patties in late-July with no shade is not the ideal wedding location. At least spring for a canopy.
  7. Check and re-check your seating chart - If you just have to invite your mother's grumpy 95 year old friend then don't seat her next to your college buddies. They really don't want to hear about her digestive troubles.
  8. Careful with your theme wedding - Theme weddings are great fun, but don't overdue it! Some of your guests may not want to be required to give their wedding video toast wearing a furry animal suit, especially after every other guest has already done it.
  9. Food - Have some...even if all you are doing is a champagne toast, but be careful not to overdue it. No one is going to feel like dancing if they've just finished off a 20 course dinner with 3 different meat courses.
  10. Make sure there are ample restroom facilities - If you've ever been to an outdoor wedding with 100 guests and 1 port-a-potty for all to share then you'll know what I mean.

Lovely wedding flowers
Lovely wedding flowers | Source

Weddings Are Great

I love weddings. They are happy occasions where you see old friends and family. You meet interesting people and make new friends. There are some really interesting traditions out there and weddings give you a taste of some of them.

No wedding is ever perfect, but every wedding has a little bit of perfection in it. Sometimes every single one of these no-nos occurs. Sometimes the bride's friend from high school is going around from table to table crying to anyone who'll listen because his wife just dumped him. In the end, people usually end up having a good time, and it's that little bit of perfection that they remember.

Have fun at your next wedding!

© 2012 Glimmer Twin Fan

Comments 42 comments

DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 4 years ago from South Carolina, USA

Ha, I've seen these things and more! But the worst behavior is from the mother of the groom! Fun and interesting hub, welcome!


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago Author

Interesting. As a guest one doesn't see too much activity from the mother of the groom and I was lucky and have a great mother in law. Thanks for the comment!


moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

Very good information. My nephew came to our daughter's wedding and he instantly started causeing trouble and he brought a friend with him that was just as bad. When I gave him the evil eye he settled down and was good the rest of the evening. My husband laughted, those kids know not to mess with auntie. It's funny how people think they should act crazy at weddings. Voted Up on your hub.


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago Author

I'm glad you liked it and glad the evil eye worked! Thanks for the vote up!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

In a word, "wow," what a great hub. Voted up and all the way. Loved it, Glimmer Twin. Even the graphics were perfect. And this hub should be a must-read for newlyweds-to-be. Great advice.

Kenneth


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago Author

Thanks so much for the comments Kenneth! I really appreciate them.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

Hey, Glimmer,

You are most-welcome. My pleasure to tell a talented writer the truth about her work. And I appreciate YOU for sharing your talent with HubPages.

Kenneth


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

The planning truly helps and this list is a great reminder for the No-nos in a wedding. The last few weddings I have attended were great and I shed some happy tears for the couple too. :)

Ripplemaker's News: Congratulations on your Hubnuggets nomination. Do visit this link to see your nominated hub and read and vote! http://hubpages.com/community/You-Want-Fries-With-... Enjoy!


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago Author

Thanks so much ripplemaker! I was so excited when I saw this.


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire

Thank you for injecting some common sense into what can be a crazy event, GT. In the '80s I attended several weddings in the bridesmaid dress you mentioned...the one that did me "absolutely no favors" -- lol! Thanks for being the voice of the silent sufferers!


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago Author

Thanks mollymeadows! I can't even look at the pictures anymore with me in that dress!


MelChi profile image

MelChi 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

These are fantastic ideas for anyone - those attending weddings, as well as the bridal couple! Beautifully written and laid out - thanks! :)


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago Author

MelChi - Thanks for the comments! Hopefully people can use these hints.


oceanuniverse profile image

oceanuniverse 4 years ago from California

Loved what you had to say, great article. I wonder actually many people actually follow some of these rules? I know the centerpieces are hard to keep on the tables, people do want to take them. Thank-you for sharing.


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago Author

Thanks for the comments oceanuniverse. I don't think that many people do follow these rules.


oceanuniverse profile image

oceanuniverse 4 years ago from California

Your welcome.


mary615 profile image

mary615 3 years ago from Florida

Some people are SO rude. I've seen the centerpieces disappear. Good Hub.


midget38 profile image

midget38 3 years ago from Singapore

I think, like Mary said, some people need reminders about etiquette, and these are excellent ones. Thanks for sharing! Passing this on, with votes across!


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago Author

Thanks Mary! It has always surprised me what can disappear at functions, especially weddings.


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago Author

I appreciate it Michelle. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think we are losing etiquette as time goes on. Thanks for commenting!


Lizolivia profile image

Lizolivia 3 years ago from Central USA

Great tips, all of them are important.

#9-Take notice of what and who you talk about when seated at the reception table if you don't know who everyone is.

If introductions are not done while people sit, it's easy to slip up after a few drinks and begin saying offensive things in jest. Be sure everyone at your table knows who is who. Introductions alert people to what to refrain from saying about who after things lighten up.

Without a seating chart:

After introductions, if it doesn't jell right and seats are still open, spot another table where you would be more comfortable before the seats are taken without turning it into musical chairs. Politely and calmly excuse yourself; such as, "Oh look, there is so and so!..... It was very nice to have met you." This opens your seats for guests they know to join them when done early.


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago Author

Thanks for commenting Lizolivia - You brought up some good points.


ExpectGreatThings profile image

ExpectGreatThings 3 years ago from Illinois

I was going to comment at how shocked I am that people actually took your centerpieces, but from the comments it sounds like that is somewhat common. Outrageous! Seriously, stealing from friends?!

This was a fun read. It reminded me of all the terrible bridesmaid dresses I still have stashed away in the back of a closet at my parents' house. And maybe another "no-no" could be choosing bridesmaids dresses that cost a small fortune.


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago Author

I have always been surprised that people take centerpieces. I have been to a couple of weddings were the played a simple table game to determine who got to take home the centerpiece, but that was legitimate. Thanks so much for commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed the hub!


Beltane73 profile image

Beltane73 3 years ago from South Jersey

Love it! As an officiant, faved and Funnied.


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago Author

Thanks Beltane73! I bet you've seen some interesting behavior at weddings!


Beltane73 profile image

Beltane73 3 years ago from South Jersey

I've got some fun stories, it's true. I've come to a saying: Someone's got to be Drunk Uncle Lou. It never fails.

My very favorite is from my brother's wedding, though: the bridesmaids got together, surrounded my Dad on the dance floor, and boy did he enjoy every second. My Mom and I laughed ourselves silly.


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago Author

Gotta love those "Uncle Lous"!


MelonieGilchrist profile image

MelonieGilchrist 3 years ago

Wow, some of these I wish other people knew when going to a wedding. Great information! Passing this onto others!


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago Author

Thanks so much MelonieGilchrist. There are definitely a lot of people that I know who could use some of these tips!


VVanNess profile image

VVanNess 3 years ago from Prescott Valley

Great article! I wish someone would write one for bridesmaids! :)


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago Author

VVanNess - Thanks for reading and commenting. Bridesmaids definitely need their own manual too.


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 3 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Very useful pointers and a great checklist, GTF.


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 3 years ago Author

Thanks rajan. It was fun to write.


James Defranco 17 months ago

We actually had a few uninvited guests come to our wedding! Turns out they were really cool people though, even though no one knew them. My wedding went off smoothly, I have never been to a wedding with much if any issue like one of these. Hopefully they continue to go well!


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 17 months ago Author

Hi James Defranco - It'g good you weren't upset about the uninvited guests! I bet some folks would have not been real happy with that. Thanks for reading and commenting!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 17 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

Glimmer Twin Fan . . .

Hi. I don't know if you follow me or not since my time is divided between building birdhouses and doing Hubs, but I invite you to BE one of my followers for this hub is simply intelligent and hilarious at one time.

Not every writer can achieve that.

Have a peaceful day.

Oh, and if you ARE one of my followers, THANK YOU!


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 17 months ago Author

Thanks so much for your nice comment Kenneth! I appreciate it! Hope you are building lots of bird houses!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 17 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Glimmer....You have covered absolutely everything. This is a perfect Do's & Don't's list for weddings.

In order to know all of this, of course we've all been to weddings that had some unfortunate flaws or mishaps... Oops! Having every last moment from start to finish go like a fine-tuned Stradyvari just won't happen.

You're right, most weddings are beautiful and the guests have a great time. I have one more wedding in my own family and since I'm an official Mother of the Groom.....I just need to keep my mouth shut and sign my check!!.....LOL..........UP+++++ Peace, Paula


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 17 months ago Author

Hi Paula - Nice to see you again! I think that wedding flaws just make it that much more fun, but only long after the wedding LOL! Have fun at your son's wedding. I'm sure everyone will have a great time!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 17 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

GTF.....OH......there's no "wedding" planned. I was just saying that I only have one more to be married!! LOL......I've had him advertised for years. Maybe I need to re-word the ad!............(He & his "girlfriend" have a home & family together.....actually, he's probably smart not to get married!!)

My only obligation is to keep locks on my doors! I tell the girls...."He's yours now, I take no returns, give no refunds!!" LOL


Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 17 months ago Author

Ha! I misunderstood. Once my daughter finds that special someone our days may be locked too!!! Of course she's only 12 so it should be many many years from now! Too funny. Have a great day Paula!

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