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Writing Your Own Funny Wedding Vows

Challenges inspire me. It's what I write about, what I thrive on. I'm a mom of three, a musician, a writer, and an entrepreneur.

With tact and skill, you can get a few laughs out of those vows.

With tact and skill, you can get a few laughs out of those vows.

Humorous Wedding Vows

This article does beg the question: Do wedding vows have to be serious to be meaningful? Given that the divorce rate is at 50%, I would argue that most people don't even remember what they said at the altar.

If you are going to make a lifelong promise to someone, it would help to remember the words of your commitment, right? This is why funny wedding vows are the perfect solution.

People don't forget funny. And even if you do, your loved ones won't.

I've Been Married for 10 Years. . . .

And I wish Andrew and I had done funny wedding vows. We did write our own, so it was unique and memorable, but humor has been one of the core strengths of our relationship. We've gone through some pretty terrible things together, and when nothing else worked, laughing did.

Most traditional wedding vows are anything but funny. In fact, you are supposed to just recite the vows like a parrot. What fun is that?

So let's figure out how to write funny wedding vows.


Figure Out What You’re Going to Fight Over

I hate to say it, but if Johnny comes down with some terrible illness, usually crisis sparks a strengthening of love. It forces you to hold onto the good and cherish each day as it comes. You won't need your vows to remind you of your commitment in that scenario. . . .

You need them for when you fight.

So what are the top things married couples fight over? That's where we're going to find our funny.

Top Marital Arguments

  1. Who forgot to replace the toilet paper
  2. Who controls the remote
  3. Whose family gets Christmas
  4. Who gets more free time
  5. Who works too much
  6. Who should work more
  7. Hating the other person's religion
  8. How to discipline the kids
  9. How much sex to have
  10. What to spend money on
  11. Where to go on vacation
  12. Forgetting a birthday or anniversary
  13. Who is messier
  14. Who is too controlling
  15. Bad habits like smoking and drinking
  16. Too many video games
  17. Too many shoes
  18. Arguments about friends who are a bad influence
  19. One person is too busy
  20. Selfishness

Start With the Original and Twist It Up

Alright, almost ready. You want your vows to be funny, but you need to actually promise something too. Best leave that to the professionals. Here's the most common and traditional vow that we can use as a launch point.

I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Here are some important things to remember with vows:

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  • It has to say what you are going to do, regardless of your spouse.
  • It has to promise that you will not leave or divorce your spouse.
  • It has to be clear that in good and bad, you are permanently hooked together.

Funny Wedding Vow Example

I Julie, take you Andrew, to be my husband. I know that becoming a husband means that you will fart in bed while I'm trying to sleep, you'll forbid me from my favorite Prada shoes, and you'll do your fair share of forgetting to take out the trash. That's okay. Because today I become your wife.

Wives look the other way when their husbands are up at 3am playing Grand Theft Auto. They continue to love their husbands even when they've forgotten an anniversary or birthday. Wives are even able to live without touching a TV remote.

I'm sure I will learn as the years go by how to be a better wife. No matter how many times I have to waddle to the cupboard after peeing to get to the toilet paper, I will never forget how much I loved you before you became this thing they call a "husband."

Don't End on Funny

Once you've got your loved ones laughing along with you, it's best to tie it up with something poignant. The line between laughing and crying is thin, remember?

To do this, consider the top things that couples want from each other.

  1. A spouse who honors them in public
  2. A spouse who sees the good even during a big screw-up
  3. A spouse who knows how to forgive
  4. A spouse that takes the time to think about the other person's desires
  5. A spouse that supports and propels the other one forward

An Example of the End

The world may toss us around but I commit to stand by you, push you towards your dreams, defend you in public, and respect you even when no one is looking.

I promise to love you from this day forward, until we die—even when it hurts like hell.

Get Your Vows Printed and Framed

Once the ceremony is over, you might be inclined to forget what you've promised. This is where a nicely framed photo with your vows written down will help immensely. Maybe have them written down underneath a photo of you both making a stupid face in your wedding get-up.


Stephanie Henkel from USA on January 02, 2013:

Few people wrote their own vows back when we got married - it would have been nice to personalize them, especially with a little humor. I am reminded of one woman I know who was going with traditional, but whose husband-to-be had a sense of humor as well as a great relationship with the priest. When it came time to repeat, "I promise to love, honor and cherish..." there was an addition of, "...and to make pancakes every morning." What could she do in front of a church full of people, she repeated the vow. And he got pancakes every morning, noon and night until he begged her to stop!

Loved your hub and the great ideas...maybe next time! :)

Emma Kisby from Berkshire, UK on December 30, 2012:

Love this idea - it took us ages to write our own wedding vows. We considered funny, but couldn't come up with anything, so we went short and sweet!

I'm glad we wrote our own but it would have been nice to be a bit witty too. Great ideas!

Melanie Chisnall from Cape Town, South Africa on December 30, 2012:

Oh how I wish Geoff and I had done something like this! Our vows were pretty traditional, and we were just so nervous I think we wanted the shortest things to say. Looking back now, I'd have done it never get it back, and it's only a few minutes standing up there. I loved this!! Sharing far and wide.

rmcleve on December 29, 2012:

Although I am not married nor engaged, I enjoyed this hub! It's a great perspective on the things that should occur before uniting in marriage. It calls to point the issues and topics and feelings that matter. And hey, maybe we should ask ourselves, "Could I write funny vows about my significant other?" If not....what's that about??

jen on December 29, 2012:

wish I'd thought of this, but I was still kind of forgetful in the "think outside the box" dept even though our whole wedding aside from the vows was very "us." ... however humorous vows would be even better than whatever it was we cobbled together, I'm sad now hehe.

Janine Huldie from New York, New York on December 29, 2012:

I loved this one too Julie and even though we had a high mass in the Catholic Church (Kevin's family are very religious--Irish/Catholic), would have loved using the stuff you wrote here. Totally classic and seriously funny :)

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on December 29, 2012:

I'm not a traditional kind of guy, so I enjoyed this hub.

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