Jule Romans is a retired English teacher and college instructor. She has taught Shakespeare and advanced literature for over 25 years.
When it doesn't seem quite right to send a bouquet, send a funny flower quote instead. They are fast and simple, and it's easy to share them quickly. Use Delta Burke's line to chide a cheapskate. Try Mencken's comment to lighten up a sourpuss. The quote from the Washington Post might make someone chuckle and think twice.
These sayings can work well in lots of situations. Put one on a card in a floral arrangement or use one in a thank you note. Send a quote in an email or text. Some of these might even make good status lines or tweets. Everyone loves flowers, and even allergy sufferers can enjoy a funny flower quote. They won't even have to sneeze!
These quotes are organized alphabetically by author's last name. Each quote is followed by an interesting fact related to the author or subject. Where possible, I have tried to locate the origin of each quote or the first time it appeared in print.
Funny Quotes and Messages to Send in a Card With Flowers
"If you think squash is a competitive activity, try flower arranging."
He’s not kidding. The National Association of Flower Arranging Societies is serious business in Britain.
"I don't know whether nice people tend to grow roses or growing roses makes people nice."
—Roland A Browne
It’s not a surprise that Mr. Browne is the author of The Rose Lover’s Guide, which was published in 1983. Intriguingly, though, he is also the author of The Intelligent Dog’s Guide to People-Owning, published in 1967.
"A man walks into a flower shop.
'I'd like some flowers please.'
'Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?'
He shrugs 'Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh . . .'
'Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?'"
According to the Society of American Florists (2011), 92% of women remember the last time they received flowers as a gift.
"Even if you think the Big Bang created the stars, don't you wonder who sent the flowers?"
Mr. Brault has been quoted in magazines ranging from the National Enquirer to Reader’s Digest.
"A fox is a wolf who sends flowers."
Ms. Brown was an R&B singer in the 1950s. She was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of fame in 1993.
Read More From Holidappy
"If you want to say it with flowers, remember that a single rose screams in your face: 'I'm cheap!'"
This funny flower quote was first spoken by Delta's character, Suzanne Sugarbaker, on the television series Designing Women, which ran from 1986 to 1991.
"At my age flowers scare me.'
According to the Museum of Broadcast Communications, George burns maintained a starring film, television, and radio career from 1929 through 1994. He’s known for playing the role of God and for his various quips about old age.
"Don't send me flowers when I'm dead. If you like me, send them while I'm alive."
The BBC reports that this famous English Football (Soccer) coach spoke these words after receiving a liver transplant that saved his life.
"Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there's always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires."
Ms. Cox is a magazine columnist and humorist. She’s been quoted in Women Know Everything, Words from the Wise: Over 6,000 of the Smartest Things Ever Said, and a dozen other books. Her sayings frequently appear as photo captions and blog quotes.
"I sent my flowers across the hall to Mrs. Nixon but her husband remembered what a Democrat I am and sent them back."
Bette Davis is also known for speaking the famous quote “Fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy night.” in the movie All About Eve.
"Earth laughs in flowers."
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Emerson was the mentor of Henry David Thoreau and a member of the transcendentalist writing movement in new England in the mid-1800s.
"Money is a powerful aphrodisiac but flowers work almost as well."
Robert Heinlein was a classic American science fiction author. This funny flower quote comes from his book Time Enough for Love, first published in 1973.
"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers."
This funny flower quote was excerpted in Reader’s Digest in 1984. Since then it has been reprinted thousands of times. Doug Larson was the author of the Hitchhiker’s Guide series, which was based on his radio show of the same name.
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I."
Levant was a comedian, pianist, actor, and television personality. He was a close friend of George Gershwin and is famous for his piano renditions of Gershwin’s music. Levant died in 1972.
"If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn."
This funny flower quote appeared in Reader’s Digest in 1991. Mason is a physician who is also known for the saying “Sainthood emerges when you can listen to someone's tale of woe and not respond with a description of your own.”
"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."
Mencken was a journalist, essayist, and social commentator. He lived from 1880-1958. This quote may have gained popularity when it was printed in W.C. Privy’s Original Bathroom Reader in 1981.
"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them."
—A. A. Milne
A.A. Milne created the character of Winnie the Pooh in 1926. Since then, Pooh has grown into movies, plays, stuffed animals, television specials, and even spinoff books like the Tao of Pooh.
"By the time one is eighty, it is said, there is no longer a tug of war in the garden with the May flowers hauling like mad against the claims of the other months. All is at last in balance and all is serene. The gardener is usually dead, of course."
This quote first appeared in The Essential Earthman: Henry Mitchell on Gardening, published in 1981. Excerpts are available on Google Books. Mitchell's gardening advice endures today.
"Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf."
Mumford's quote was reprinted in The Bathroom Almanac of 1981. When it was used by World Watch in 1995, it gained additional popularity. It may have first appeared in the Christian Herald in 1969.
"I hate flowers—I paint them because they're cheaper than models and they don't move."
These words were published in Laura Lisle’s book Portrait of an Artist: A Biography of Georgia O’Keeffe in 1981. The Georgia O'Keefe Museum is located in Santa Fe, New Mexico.
"I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some."
This funny flower quote actually came from one of Rappaport’s older colleagues. Rappaport used the quote in his book Marking Time. Oddly enough, the book had nothing to do with gardening. The book was about addiction and anxiety.
"Why not a space flower? Why do we always expect metal ships?"
—W. D. Richter
W.D. Richter was the author of the screenplay for Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978). In the movie, the character named Nancy speaks this line.
"I appreciate the misunderstanding I have had with Nature over my perennial border. I think it is a flower garden; she thinks it is a meadow lacking grass, and tries to correct the error."
Sarah Stein was a naturalist and gardener. Her most well-known book is Noah’s Garden. This quote, however, comes from her book called My Weeds. That book is an eye-opener for all gardeners who enjoy wildflowers.
"The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about from Science, along with behaviour control, genetic engineering, transplanted heads, computer poetry and the unrestrained growth of plastic flowers."
This comes from The Medusa and the Snail: More Notes of a Biology Watcher, published in 1979.
"Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? 'Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel.'"
—The Washington Post
Most recently, this funny flower quote appeared in The Book of Green Quotations, 2009.
"Reading music is like listening to flowers. I don't understand the concept."
Ironically, Westerberg was a lead singer, guitarist, and songwriter for a punk rock band named The Replacements.
I named all my children after flowers. There's Lillie and Rose and my son, Artificial.
Bert Williams headlined the Ziegfield Follies for years. He was a groundbreaking entertainer in a restrictive era.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2010 Jule Romans