Funny Quotes and Sayings About Aging and Getting Older

Updated on January 28, 2020
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Brian lives with his wife, Valerie, in the beautiful coastal town of Troon. He writes to educate, entertain, inform and amuse.

Getting older is like breathing—even if we're not thinking about it, we're doing it all the time.
Getting older is like breathing—even if we're not thinking about it, we're doing it all the time. | Source

We may not be able to outrun old age, but at least we can laugh at it. I hope some of these quotes about growing up and growing old help you get through the day or bring a smile to your face. Enjoy, and feel free to share with your family and friends.

  • "A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright." —Lucille Ball (comedian)
  • "Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier." —Dan Bennett (comedian)
  • "I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings (humorist)
  • "Age is something that does not matter, unless you are a cheese." —Luis Bunuel (filmmaker)
  • "At my age, flowers scare me." —George Burns (comedian)
  • "You know you are getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there." —George Burns (comedian)
  • "I stay away from natural foods. At my age, I need all the preservatives I can get." —George Burns (comedian)

"Middle age is that awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature." —Harold Coffin
"Middle age is that awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature." —Harold Coffin | Source
  • "We’ve put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy it." —Frank Howard Clark (screenwriter)
  • "Middle age is that awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature." —Harold Coffin (author)
  • "Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it's the knowledge that he's married to a grandmother that does." —J Norman Collie (scientist)
  • "I'm so old that my blood type is discontinued." —Bill Dane (photographer)
  • "Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home." —Phyllis Diller (comedian)
  • "I'm at that age where my back goes out more than I do." —Phyllis Diller (comedian)
  • "Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight." —Phyllis Diller (comedian)

"I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often . . . but I'm well preserved." —Rose Kennedy
"I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often . . . but I'm well preserved." —Rose Kennedy | Source
  • "At twenty years of age the will reigns, at thirty the wit, and at forty the judgement." —Benjamin Franklin (politician)
  • "You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work." —Hy Gardner (columnist)
  • "Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." —Alexander Hamilton (politician)
  • "She said she was approaching forty and I couldn't help but wonder from which direction." —Bob Hope (comedian)
  • "I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty." —Bob Hope (comedian)
  • "If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." —Edgar Howe (novelist)
  • "No man is ever old enough to know better." —Holbrook Jackson (writer)
  • "It's official, I'm middle-aged and I don't need drugs anymore. I can get the same effect just by standing up really fast." —Jonathan Katz (comedian)
  • "Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster too." —Lionel Kauffman (author)
  • "I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often . . . but I'm well preserved." —Rose Kennedy (socialite)

"The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible." —Judith Regan
"The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible." —Judith Regan | Source
  • "Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart." —Caryn Leschen (cartoonist)
  • "As you get older, you don’t get wiser, you get irritable." —Doris Lessing (author)
  • "Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough." —Groucho Marx (comedian)
  • "Middle age is when you are sitting at home on a Saturday night and the phone rings and you hope it isn't for you." —Ogden Nash (poet)
  • "At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." —George Orwell (author)
  • "There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." —Bob Phillips (journalist)
  • "The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible." —Judith Regan (talk show host)
  • "The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." —Will Rogers (actor)
  • "'To what do you attribute your long life?' To the fact that I haven't died yet." —Sir Malcolm Sargent (conductor)
  • "There are three ages of man: youth, middle age, and 'you're looking well.'" —Red Skelton (actor)

"If I'd known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself." —Adolph Zukor
"If I'd known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself." —Adolph Zukor | Source
  • "Youth is when you are allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you are forced to." —William Vaughan (author)
  • "To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." —Oscar Wilde (playwright)
  • "The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything." —Oscar Wilde (playwright)
  • "Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." —Oscar Wilde (playwright)
  • "Middle age: Later than you think, and sooner than you expected." —Earl Wilson (columnist)
  • "There's one advantage to being 102, there's no peer pressure." —Dennis Wolfberg (comedian)
  • "The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left." —Jerry M. Wright
  • "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." —Jennifer Yane
  • "If I'd known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself." —Adolph Zukor (film producer)

Questions & Answers

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      • World Earth profile imageAUTHOR

        Brian OldWolf 

        5 weeks ago from Troon

        Glad I made you smile Rebecca.

      • rebeccamealey profile image

        Rebecca Mealey 

        5 weeks ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

        Ha! Ha! Love the one about preservatives!

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