The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.
— Mark Twain
Quotations for the Pessimist in All of Us
If you are looking for a collection of vapid inspirational quotes that will inspire you to improve your pathetic life, you have come to the wrong place. This is a collection of brutally honest pessimistic quotes that tell you like it is: you are average at best, you will never change the world, and the worst that can happen always happens eventually.
If you are a pessimist, then these quotes are preaching to the converted. If you are one of those annoyingly cheery people who always look for the best in others and the silver lining to even the darkest situation, remember: the light you see at the end of the tunnel is the train coming at you.
Pessimistic Quotes About the Meaning of Life
Okay, so you have decided to embark on your education as a true pessimist. Here are some basic truths you must remember:
- Exercise daily. Eat wisely. Die anyway. ~ unknown
- If it tastes good, it's trying to kill you. ~ Roy Qualley
- Avoid fruit and nuts; you are what you eat. ~ Garfield (Jim Davies)
- When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults. ~ Brian Aldiss
- The longer you stay in one place, the greater the chance of disillusionment. ~ Art Spander
- The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears that this is true. ~ James Branch Cabell
- I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference. ~ Jack Kerouac
Pessimistic Quotes About Marriage and Relationships
What? Despite my words of wisdom, you still believe in love and such other stupid notions. Perhaps you have a significant other, and you think that you have found your soul mate. As if. The majority of marriages end in divorce, and each one of these failed relationships started out as fresh and happy as yours; they never last. You may as well give up now and avoid regret. Anyone who seriously tells you that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all is probably a divorce attorney.
So forget all of those sickly sweet love quotes you'll find on other sites. Here are some choice quotes to help you purge yourself of any romantic illusions:
- What do I know about sex? I'm a married man. ~ Tom Clancy
- I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night that the clocks were set ahead. ~ Gary Shandling
- Men and women, women and men. It will never work. ~ Erica Jong
- She was so ugly that she could make a mule back away from an oat bin. ~ Will Rogers (Editor's note: the hag in question probably started out pretty, but once you got hitched, she let herself go. This is always the case, usually by your second anniversary.)
- In marriage, a man becomes slack and selfish and undergoes a fatty degeneration of the soul. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. ~ Rodney Dangerfield.
Are You A Pessimist?
Are you a rational person who realizes that everything does always turn out for the worst, or one of those stupid optimists who think that we live in the best of all possible worlds? Here is a quiz to help you find out.
Pessimistic Quotes About Money and Careers
Are you a hard worker? Do you say: if I work hard, put in the time, and show my bosses what great work I do, I am sure to be promoted? Talent and dedication will always be unrewarded. You will be passed over for a promotion and see the office bimbo sleep her way to a promotion, or the sycophantic brown-nosing coworker who just started, will take credit for your work and get the accolades while you get a pink slip.
Here are some quotes to help you get your career goals into perspective:
- Confidence is always overconfidence. ~ Robert Byrne. In other words, you're not good enough.
- The closest anyone comes to perfection is on a job application form. ~ Unknown
- A career is a job that has gone on too long. ~ Jeff MacNelly
- Tell your boss what you think of him, and the truth shall set you free. ~ Anonymous
- To make a small fortune, invest a large fortune. ~ Bruce Cohn
- A lot of people become pessimists from financing optimists. ~ C.T. Jones
Final Words of Wisdom
I hope that these quotes have disabused you of the mind pablum that motivational quotes dish out, but I am not optimistic. So now go forth into this cruel world and remember:
Dawn! A brand new day! This could be the start of something average. ~ Ziggy (Tom Wilson)
© 2011 Robert P
Catherine Giordano from Orlando Florida on December 16, 2016:
Who doesn't love a little pessism, every now and then. I enjoyed this article.
Robert P (author) from Canada on July 03, 2012:
Thanks Pamela - it's funny you should mention the difference between you and your husband. My wife and I are the same way. My wife is always the optimist. I think I drive her nuts with my pessimism sometimes.
snowdrops from The Second Star to the Right on June 30, 2012:
Hehehe! Nice ideas!
Pamela Kinnaird Dapples from Arizona. on June 30, 2012:
These were very funny. I am an optimist, but my husband loves being a pessimist. Voting up and sharing.
Robert P (author) from Canada on April 10, 2012:
@Bonkers - how true!
Bonkers on April 10, 2012:
Every silver lining has a cloud.
I made this up but knowing, our friend, life, it has probably been said before.
Robert P (author) from Canada on October 07, 2011:
Hi Shadesbreath - I was hoping that you would enjoy these quotes, but I wasn't too optimistic.
Shadesbreath from California on October 07, 2011:
LOLOLOL, I just laughed twice, and then made my wife listen to half of these. Poor thing, she's not nearly as far through her bottle of wine as I am my 12-er, but, she did chuckle. I even clicked over and checked out the authors of some of these that I never heard of. I was delighted to discover that my favorite one, "When Childhood dies, its corpses are called adults" comes from a reasonably successful Sci Fi author. :)
Nell Rose from England on May 25, 2011:
Hi, well I love them! lol I am an eternal pessimist! I was going to get a t shirt that said, 'always be a pessimist and you will never be disapointed'!
Merlin Fraser from Cotswold Hills on May 10, 2011:
I am a big dog fan and over the years have shared my life with a number of German Shepherds and Labrodors.
The memory of two dogs asleep under the shade of an Oak tree as I cut the grass proves your point.
However, if there is such a thing as reincarnation knowing my luck I should return as the filthy half starved mutt I saw in Cairo !
Robert P (author) from Canada on May 09, 2011:
Hi Merlin - Of course being a dog can be a pretty good gig depending on the owner!
Merlin Fraser from Cotswold Hills on May 09, 2011:
Yesterday I was a Dog, Today I am a Dog, Tomorrow I will still be a Dog, there is little chance of promotion around here !
Mark Ewbie from UK on May 07, 2011:
I like the idea of this. I can't bear the daily cheery messages that flooded into my Facebook page when I made the mistake of thinking internet marketing would be good on my profile.
Neon_Letters on March 13, 2011:
“Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.” - Oscar Wilde
When reasons kicks in you become a pessimist or am i just trying to be optimistic of how i see life?